Hi
I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and, some things moved kind of fast, even if most have been fine. I haven’t moved out and he has plans on it in june but he is also little older than me. It is last month i have few times woken up to sex, and i have honestly slept through some but even if i maybe wouldnt mind if he did it in the right way idk if this is letting him do too much. Any ideas?
7 comments
Well there’s only two real things you can take from this. Does it bother you, and have you discussed doing so previously? if yes and no respectively, it’s rape. Unless you’ve consented somehow to surprise morning sex, it is still rape. So you need to decide basically if you’re ok with the actual occurrence of this, and whether or not the guy respects your autonomy which it sounds like he doesn’t. Personally this guy would be out the door without a second thought. Respecting and understanding consent is not difficult, but some haven’t been educated properly or just dont respect it
Non-consensual sex, also known as; rape.
i love getting woken up to sex or having sex when half asleep in the middle of the night. but if it bothers you, you should tell him so that he will stop. if you haven’t told him, he may think he is doing something you like.
You have called this non-consensual sex. That is not ok. Non-consensual sex is rape.
You need to have a conversation with him during the day. No consensual sex is rape.
a lot of these comments address that this isn’t okay but don’t address how not okay. he is raping you, and whether or not you’re okay with/into the actual “sex,” you should not be okay with the fact that he’s raping you. if being consentually woken up by sex (rape play) is something you’re into you could definitely discuss that in the future with other partners, but you need to get rid of this guy.
Non consensual sex is rape. As everyone here has pointed out.
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A different question: when you have consensual sex with him, do you normally use protection? And, when you have woken up from him penetrating you, is he not wearing protection?
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How does he react to you when you wake up to him using your body for sex? Does he play it off like it wasn’t sex? Does it automatically stop, and pretend to do something else? Does he keep going? Does he have shame or is he shameless?
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A man who does not communicate their rape play desires, and does them without shame is a man you run the hell away from. Rape play is something that every partner needs to communicate fully about. Rape play needs to have full consent from both parties. And, a partner who doesn’t get permission to do them, but continues to do so, is a person you cannot trust.