I’m somewhat embarrassed to talk about this because it makes me sound desperate and frivolous. But I’ve been fighting this for over 2 years and I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now. We had our ups and downs but we started to communicate better and listen to each other’s needs. When my boyfriend and I were friends, he used to take me to flower gardens all the time because he knew how much I love them. He also knew I loved flowers. When we started being in a relationship it was really really messy and difficult due to so many stuff due to us and also due to external factors, he never got me flowers. I waited for quite some time and after a year or so I dropped hints once or twice and then I communicated with him that I really like flowers and it disturbs me quite a bit that I don’t get them on special occasions such as our anniversary or my birthday or Valentine’s Day. My eyes are flooded with tears right about as I’m writing this, it may seem frivolous but it means so much to me. I told him a bunch of times and he seemed to listen. He is in a bit of money crunch right now so I told him that we will cut down our dinner dates that we had once a week (edit 1: we always split the bill on everything we do). I understand that he doesn’t want to spend money. He got me a present when he really hurt me once when we started going out and we were fighting but that was it. I do like to receive presents, I don’t particularly mean expensive even small things like leaving a note or a single rose or a greeting card or something that I told him I wanted. I get him small presents like this every now and then. But his love language is mostly acts of service and physical touch so I concentrate on that a lot. I understand that he is trying to close off his debts which I am also helping him do by working with him on his payoff plan and things but we both are engineers in the bay area so it’s not like we are penny pinching. A bunch of roses at Target is $20. I literally saw that during my errands today. I’m so tired mentally being frustrated and sad everytime when I see flowers in the market or at Target or whatever. Now it’s our 3rd valentine’s day and if he doesn’t get flowers this time I don’t know how I would feel about that especially after I told him how much it means to me. Should I adjust my expectations? I also don’t want to be this annoying girlfriend who keeps asking for flowers.
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For context, I’m a guy and I’m happily married. My wife loves flowers so I certainly surprise her with them every so often and get them on certain holidays.
So from that perspective, I’m right there with you. The problem here is that he’s broke. He shouldn’t be spending money on literally anything if it’s financially irresponsible.
Does he work? At the end of the day, that’s what you need to focus on here. Good luck.
I have heard of the rare dude that will get his wife flowers all the time, but honestly, I can relate. I’ve been married over a decade and maybe get flowers once a year on a special occasion like Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day. We had many fights over it before it got to this point lol. He thinks flowers are stupid and he thinks it is stupid I put so much value on them initially. He looked at it as he was already taking me to dinner and had purchased me a gift (albeit an unromantic one) so why would I need stupid flowers? Idk, I made a big deal about flowers for years and now, whenever I get them from him, it feels superficial. I feel like I ruined it and he is only getting me flowers to avoid a fight.
Moral of the story for me was to not put so much weight on flowers.
I love flowers too…and after many years of fighting over flowers…I decided to stop fighting and buy flowers for myself… I buy flowers on my birthday … I actually fill up the house with flowers everywhere and this valentine’s day I will be buying flowers for myself once again. It makes me feel so happy and if he decides to buy me flowers then it’s just icing on the cake and if he doesn’t then so what because I will already have flowers.