What is the best way to prepare for a difficult conversation?

7 comments

1. [removed]

2. What’s helped me is writing it down if there’s something I don’t want to forget to discuss or a question I may have. Just to keep me on track and avoid getting derailed if things get too tense, emotional, etc.

3. A big deep breath. Writing down some notes even if you don’t (and probably won’t) use them during the conversation. Closing your eyes to regroup if you need to. I also always find it’s easier when I tell the other person upfront “I’m going to talk to you about something really difficult and I think it will be better if you let me speak first and just listen and then I’ll reciprocate once you have a minute to form your thoughts.”

4. I practice in the car when I’m driving by myself. I actually say out loud what I’m trying to express, and I’ll try it a few different ways until it comes out the way I want it to. I find it’s like a rehearsal when the stakes are low and there’s no emotions involved – that way once I get into the conversation I can clearly express what I actually want to say without getting flustered.

   I took a course on managing difficult conversations when I started moving into management at my job, and a few helpful things I’ve retained from that training include giving the other person some agency around timing of the conversation if it’s going to be difficult for them, and selecting the venue appropriately.

5. I take a few deep breaths and then I practice what I’m gonna say. I’ll practice around 3-4 times and not stay in my head too much.

6. Pray

   Meditate

   Take a shower or a walk

   Write a long list of what to say and rehearse it

7. Take notes, wait at least 24 hours if it’s something new (to let some of the emotions pass), try to stick to facts, make sure the timing and location are appropriate