So ľ’m 22 (f) and my boyfriend is 32 and We’ve
been together for two years but best friends for
five we have a great relationship we hardly fight. He
treats me really well and we’re a great couple allin
all but there’s a couple things that really get to me
We never have sex I think in the last year we’ve had
sex probably no more than 10 times and that’s being
generous. I’m someone who really needs physical
intimacy and a little bit more than just cuddling when
we sleep at night. So the fact that we don’t have sex
nearly as often as I like coupled with the fact that
during the day we are together in a small house in
separate rooms we talk Lots but we don’t really sit
together or be physically close that often. As for
sleeping he never really comes to bed with me when
I go to bed he usually stays up and just does what he
does so I dont even really get the cuddling at night
either so I don’t know Am I just being needy and
asking too much? I tried explaining this to him but
he doesn’t get it he will say something like well we
just slept together all night last night and we spent
all day talking I gave you all my attention like isn’t
that enough and for me, it’s just not I don’t know how
to explain this to him in a way that he understands,
He is a smart guy we communicate really well for
the most part but this is one thing that he just can’t
get his head around. And l’ve tried explaining this in
every way possible in the most blunt straightforward
matter I can but it just doesn’t work and it seems like
he just doesn’t get me is there a way I can explain
this so that it can make more sense to him or should
I just suck it up and deal with it.
Tl:dr- I crave physical closeness and intimacy in a
relationship where we don’t have sex very often. Bf
doesn’t understand and thinks I should just be fine
with cuddling at night
3 comments
Could he be on the asexual spectrum? Is he on any antidepressants or medications that kill libido? My girlfriend and I are both in medications that kill our sex life most of the time, but we’re still physically affectionate and intimate in other ways.
Y’all don’t sound very compatible. You ask for effort to be affectionate; he doesn’t follow through, you ask for more intimacy; he doesn’t follow through, you ask for more sex; he doesn’t follow through. Y’all want/need different things. You can talk about it thousands of time but it will never change that fact that y’all want different things.
You should definitely not just suck it up and deal with a lack of intimacy when it is one of your needs. Maybe look into and try a discussion about the different love languages?
But unfortunately if you’ve repeatedly told him how important this is for you and he continues to makes zero effort to change, then you have to consider that the two of you are incompatible.
It’s not being needy or in any way unreasonable to want time together in the same room, cuddling up together on the couch, or going to bed together and snuggling (or more). My partner and I are different in that I like to stay up late and they don’t, but we compromise in that we go to bed together but later after they fall asleep I will get back up if I’m not ready for sleep.
Life’s too short to waste time on something that doesn’t fulfill you.