I have kind of infiltrated a long standing friend group of mostly guys. Tonight I stopped by to drop something off at their house ( they are all roomies) and they said they are going out to the bars. I insinuated that I wanted to go and was going home to get ready then meet them but then I heard nothing. Complete radio silence and no invite. I stupidly drove past the bar and saw ten of them having so much fun without me. I’m trying to think like maybe I wasn’t assertive enough about going? But I don’t want to beg to be included. Sometimes I feel like an afterthought when everyone else is always there because they were in the friend group first. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting.

6 comments

  6. You were assertive enough.

    A couple of your word choices in this post have negative connotations (“infiltrated,” “insinuated”) and the fact that you invited yourself rather than ask if you can join them have a really forced vibe. Also, you state “mostly guys.” Are you a guy as well?

    If you are a woman, it takes on a different tone. One way you may have tested the waters might have been, “That sounds great! May I join you, or is it roommates only night?” (Some people scoff at others “waiting for invitations,” but it’s hard to gauge.)

    Did you drop something off right before they go out at someone’s request or your own suggestion? If you have been trying to be part of this group for a while, and they are cold, it may be time to move on.

    It you are simply not satisfied being on the fringes of this group and things aren’t moving fast enough for you, you may want to not write them off and see if they contact you.

    As for this particular situation, the radio silence at the idea of your joining them speaks for them unless they had a special occasion. I hope no one saw you driving by the bar!

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