Dating overwhelms me and gives me anxiety
Every time before I go on a date, I dread it
I have been on dates where the guys don’t talk much, and my friends have had the same issues-but; those guys still ask for second dates
I like all my friends, I online date, none of us have had success in the real world.
I am 26 F lawyer
I hate thinking do they like me
I am scared of rejection
I hate worrying about awkward silences
Worrying about what the guys’ intentions are- they can lie to your face. I am always questioning if they are just looking for sex.
I hate going in blind; they could be chatty on messenger but quiet in real life
I hate that a lot of guys want to message so much before dates. I already feel like I know so much about you!
What has helped you?
10 comments
Dating is scary for everyone these days coz you never know about peoples intentions. Do you know there are lots of girls these days who go on dates just for meals – so its not better for men either worrying they are being taken advantage of. Either way the risk is worth it for all of us.
Another reason is that both men and women, lots of people have no relationship skills past sex. So men wonder why they were ghosted and women feel used for sex. Nobody brings anything to the table past sex yet most people have very high expectations of others.
When was the last time you went on a really good date?
Relax and don’t take it seriously. Your goal shouldn’t be love or any of that, just having as good of a time as possible. Let it develop naturally, if it does, and go in with no expectations.
>I hate thinking do they like me
>I am scared of rejection
>I hate worrying about awkward silences
Most people share this opinion, just have to accept it or not date…it’s just a part of the dating experience
>Worrying about what the guys’ intentions are- they can lie to your face. I am always questioning if they are just looking for sex.
There are some simple steps women can take to reduce (not eliminate) the risk of this happening. If the pre date conversation/messaging turns overly sexual just drop it. Avoid sex the first few dates as this will filter out most (not all) of the men who want just a hook up. Ask for some commitment/exclusivity after a relatively short period of time (4-8 dates which is 1-2 months at one date a week on average) and take any answer to that question that’s not a “yes” as a “no” including stuff like “I see us heading there” and that will help you avoid months long situationships or casual situations that go nowhere if you are looking for a serious relationship.
>I hate going in blind; they could be chatty on messenger but quiet in real life
Keep your first meeting casual, like drinks or coffee that way if you aren’t feeling it you can easily leave after a half hour and it’s in a public place so it reduces the risk of things getting too weird and it helps with safety too.
>I hate that a lot of guys want to message so much before dates. I already feel like I know so much about you!
You can propose a meeting sooner too, in general if I’m serious about meeting someone I as a man try to get the woman off the app in 10 or less exchanges (max 5 messages each) and then once I’m off app I try to immediately schedule an in person meeting that’s in a public place that’s casual (coffee or drinks).
>I am 26 F lawyer
Whether fair or not most men, especially men of means avoid dating lawyers…I’m personally guilty of swiping left on women who list that as their profession. This is probably not helping you out if I’m being honest…like if I was into the hook up scene I’d potentially hook up with one but not seriously date one…sorry if it’s harsh but I assume you wanted an honest answer to your situation.
35f and work in corporate.
How are you screening these dudes? What questions do you ask in the initial conversations? How long do you typically chat before scheduling a date? Do you or the guy initiate scheduling the date?
Who cares if they don’t end up liking you/don’t want another date? My mindset is I like who I am and know what I have to offer. If that doesn’t vibe with the other person for whatever reason, that’s okay.
You won’t click with most people. And sometimes you click, but in a different way that isn’t congruent to your main goal i.e. no romantic connection, but vibe as friends, click sexually, but values, lifestyle/goals, etc.
Rejection is inevitable in dating – for you and the other person. The key is going in with no expectations.
Own awkward silences, especially if you find yourself carrying the conversation. If you just run out of things to say, oh well. For work I used to watch TEDTalks on small talk and the art of conversation. I think this could help you have a point of reference.
Guy’s intentions. This is tough, but all you can do is vet matches, be cognizant of red flags and trust your gut. I found that men back up their words with actions when they are interested and invested into getting to know you or fostering a relationship.
I hate going in blind. It’s not that serious. You’re just meeting with someone to get to know them a bit.
Anecdotally, I found a lot of the super chatty texters before the date end up being duds during the date. If they’re chatting too much, you could say you’d like to continue the conversation in person when you meet. I schedule dates within an an hour to 24 hours of engaging with this person. I plan my dates out 3-7 days because I like to. Once scheduled, I don’t hear from them until one of us confirms the meeting of the morning of the date.
>I hate that a lot of guys want to message so much before dates. I already feel like I know so much about you!
Wait. I’m a dude and I keep the messaging going for a bit because women have told me (and also I’ve witnessed the effects of) that trying to arrange a date too soon is a turn off.
Is that not true? It looks true from here.
Also, isn’t one of the things about dating that you get to learn about each other? If I’m dating someone I would consider not wanting to know a lot about them to be a sign of disinterest. If women don’t want to know about me then why are they dating me in the first place? Is this a money thing? Am I just getting taken for a ride?
Kinda funny and ironic that you’re a lawyer and yet casual dating is what terrifies you
I feel the same way. I feel like I get along really well with people after we’ve known each other for a while but people want to feel that connection instantly. It’s my own fault I guess. Just gotta work on it. I’m 22 never had a gf and I’ve even had a lot of girls pursue me and show interest but I’m really shy and it fizzles out because of that
Tbh texting before dates is kind of a test or the first phase of dating to see how you handle communication, lot of women are ghosting or very unresponsive based on that you find out pretty quickly wether she’s a keeper or a status bitch looking always for something better or acting manipulative, you and your friends probably failed the first phase many times. All men I know, wether rich or poor, are looking for a girl they can communicate a lot with and absolutely 100% trust to handle situations, without being persuaded. Those are absolute necessities.
I am assuming you want real advice. Can I ask a few things? Be honest. How attractive are you? What is it you are looking for? As in mere distraction, sex , LTR, marriage, etc. Do you live in a big city, small town? What are your hobbies, sports, or interests?
Do you have an easy time talking with coworkers or friends? Is dating the only time you are anxious, or do lots of social situations make you that way?
Thanks. I would be happy to try to help.