Hi! I (24F) had sex with a guy(27) just a couple of times; however, it was the best sex of my life and included many firsts (oral, orgasm, etc.). He called it off this quickly because he realized he wasn’t ready for intimacy after recently coming out of an 8-year-long relationship. I, on the other hand, am just now starting to look for something more consistent besides ons or short-lived hookups. In my mind, I think that I had 1. planned on this going on until we both kind of felt like it was done, and 2. wasn’t ready for how genuinely great the sex was. So now I’m feeling extremely sad while still not wanting to end the friendship. He’s a unique person I can’t afford to lose as a friend. I’m also not jealous (I think), as talking about past experiences of sex doesn’t upset me the slightest. Still, when he brings up the potential of him hooking up with someone in the future, I become extremely upset as it hurts to think that I won’t experience the best sex of my life ever again. But, others will!! It also hurts knowing that as his friend, I will probably hear about this and possibly meet these girls. I have had sex after him, and while some of it was good, it was not even close to as good as it was with him.
How do I maintain a good friendship when I become sad, depressed, and anxious if he brings up the topic of sex with me? I don’t want to burden him with the knowledge that this is a genuinely hurtful situation for me right now. Especially not when he’s so supportive of me dating others.
I have been talking to a fantastic guy that I truly like, and he wants something more like what I want, but how can I start dating someone while also experiencing all of this and would rather still be fwb with someone else?
5 comments
Time will be the only thing. The longer it’s been from when you last had these moments with him, the easier it will get.
And if he ever wants to start back up, refuse due to you having these feelings that you need to be rid of. This may not be the best advice but you can date some other people to help get your mind off it and over it.
I feel sorry for the next guy to date you . If you don’t drop this guy, you will destroy future relationships for sure . You will compare every future man to him . You need a clean break for him .
> I have had sex after him, and while some of it was good, it was not even close to as good as it was with him.
Yeah, simple, because you still want to be with that other guy. Whether you realise it or not sex can be very emotional and is less about the “mechanical” side of things. Low key wishing for your partner to be someone else is forever going to have a negative impact on your sex life until you actually get over him.
Well, that level of skill does tend to develop when he took care of his SO for 8 years.
At last, you F Up by joining hook-up culture, going forward you will compare any potential boyfriend to him and will never be satisfied.
My Advice would be to ask yourself if you see can have a series long term relationships with him, and if so then actively pursue him.
Spare the other guy you are seeing from dealing with this crap.
When you find the right guy, the sex will be great. Maybe not as amazing as this fwb in certain ways, but having a genuine emotional connection with someone will infuse itself into your physical connection and sex life. My fiancee is not “the best” at sex that I have ever had objectively, he isn’t into some of my favorite kinks that I have had with other partners, but it is *the best* sex I’ve ever had because our connection is amazing. We both agree that our sex 100% reflects our physical chemistry, love, and friendship. Now I look back on the “best sex” I’ve ever had objectively and it honestly doesn’t even excite me to think about.
And I’m a sex crazed monster, haha, so I didn’t think love would make that much of a difference to me. And I thought I was in love before so I thought I understood it anyway. Until I found my fiancee and experienced the closest thing to unconditional love I’ve ever had.
Anddd the sex with him got better and better as we fell more and more in love, its worth adding. So you can’t always judge from jump street. 6+ years in and the sex it the best it’s ever been bc the connection has grown so much.