I have spent much of my adult life living in isolation due to mental health issue and comorbid substance dependency. I am not someone anyone would ever suspect of drug use, I break the mould, I am someone that defies the stereotypical patterns associated with addiction. So saying “I am an addict” to anyone conjures up presumptions about me that are wildly inaccurate.
For me to be in recovery requires certain activities that I would eventually have to explain to anyone who was getting to know me.
I know that even being in stable and healthy recovery, having a history of substance dependency would be a deal breaker for a lot of people, and also that most people know very little about the issue outside of common preconceptions and misconceptions, and that it might not be such a red line issue to someone who is better informed.
That I don’t drink is something that would naturally come up early, but I would only expand on it if I was comfortable. But when should I bring up my drug history? That I have to do various things to maintain my recovery in a healthy place to avoid slipping into a relapse? How do I break the fact and educate them at the same time to try to avoid scaring people away?
1 comment
i would personally say on the 3rd date, they have enough time to develop and interest in you and empathy for you and want to see how things go, but it’s not waiting too long so that they feel like it’s a secret that was kept from them.
i had my nose done and i usually bring it up around then, like its something quite small and insignificant but as some people are very against it so i feel obliged to be honest, at the same time it wouldn’t be the first thing i say to someone, especially if i barely know them and don’t know if it will work out
personally if someone told me they were a recovering addict the first 2 concerns i would want addressed would be
1. are you doing better now? are you still struggling? is it dangerous for me to be in this situation?
(not saying you are at all, just saying i would be concerned about drinking around someone or for example someone bringing drugs into my vicinity and the possibility of them being found by police and associated with me)
2.why? what lead to this? (i would really like to know the whole story and what issues you may have had to deal with to bring this on, i would like to know out of care and concern and to know what i might have to avoid or what could trigger a relapse)
as for how i would definitely hilight that what ever lead to this is a part of your PAST that you have overcome, i would want to know you are in a situation where you can date normally and this won’t affect the relationship, only maybe activities like no clubbing/etc. that aren’t really necessary in a relationship anyway
personally if i know i was “safe” and that this was an issue of the past this would not be a deal breaker to me and i think many others would see it the same way