We have been together for 8 years. Things have been falling apart in our relationship for a long time. We’ve tried time and time again, but it’s not working. We fight constantly; I haven’t been in love for at least a couple years. I honestly think I don’t even like her as a person anymore; she is always at my throat. We are miserable and honestly might hate each other, but for some reason the conversation about ending things makes her very sad and upset, and she always wants to try to make it work and says she loves me, but I think she’s just scared of being alone.
After another blow-up argument last night over the same bullsh\*t we’ve fought over 10,000 times, I decided I was done. I started looking for apartments and planning my exit. This morning her dad took a massive heart attack and isn’t doing very well.
I’m trying my best to be there for her, but she didn’t even reach out to me to tell me; my mom saw it on Facebook and told me. When I called her, she said she thought I would just tell her I was busy at work and couldn’t talk, which is what I do when she calls and argues with me at work and not for an emergency.
All in all, I am extremely unhappy, and I am going to leave; I just don’t know what the right thing to do is. Should I stay with her out of pity while she’s going through this and then wait until some time after he either gets better or, in the worst case scenario, passes away? There is no going back; I am going to leave her. I just don’t know if I should wait until after this or not. I don’t want to pile things on for her, but I also don’t want to string her along.
Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: I’ve decided I am going to leave my loveless relationship, and as I did, my girlfriend’s dad took a heart attack. I’m not sure what I should do.
Update: I just learned that her father is awake and alert now, they put a stint in and if it holds he’ll be home in a day or two they said.
7 comments
She’s clearly doesn’t depend on you for emotional support – which would be the main reason I would stay.
Is you leaving now going to cause any other logistical problems for her? Like are the bills in your name, will she need to break the lease, ect? I wouldn’t want to ADD work for her right now.
But if you can leave without putting anything on her plate…yeah I might just do that.
You should still leave.
Look, no one ever gives you a gold star when you break up with them. If you do it before they exam/move/birthday they say “How could you do this to me when I need to study/move/celebrate!?!” If you wait until after they say ‘How could you just lie to me and fake it during my exam/move/birthday!?!”
You know you want out. Be honest to be kind.
If her dad HADNT had a heart attack, what was your timeline on leaving?
**Ask her what she wants…**
She’s clearly done too. She doesn’t think you are the kind of person who would be there for her and just maybe she doesn’t even want you to be.
All of your differences are laid bare already.
Sit her down and ask how you two should proceed.
Tell her that it’s clear that as a couple you two are not doing great, but that you are still her friend and you will support her trough this. Tell her that the arguments are over for now and that you just want to know what you can do to help her and her family.
I’m hoping that after the years of good times you still have a spark friendship. I not… now would be an amazingly bad time to end it, but if you are that bad off, you do still have to make yourself a priority. \
If it’s not her father’s health, you’ll always be able to accept some reason for delaying a breakup. It’ll be an upcoming birthday. You’ll be invited to her cousins wedding. You’ll have a good stretch in your relationship.
Cut the cord. If your telling of the state of the relationship is anywhere near honest, she won’t be surprised.
Just break up dude. If she was actually scared of being alone she would be nicer to people around her.
I would say wait a couple of weeks. It’s a short amount of time and the emergency aspect of it will have hopefully resolved by then