I don’t know what to do 🙁 last week I flew back to my family home for a week because my cat was really sick in ICU at the vet hospital and I wanted to be there as she wasn’t going to make it, she passed away and I am heartbroken.
Now I’m back home and today whilst my partner was at work I was on his computer and saw in his search history that he was googling how to use tinder without a phone number and like googling cheap phone plans to get a new phone number and logging into tinder. I then went to his emails and saw that he had multiple emails from tinder saying he verified his account and he has unread messages and new matches etc from the week I was away.
I’m not sure what to do. I want to confront him but I know from past experiences with my toxic ex who cheated on me various times that once you catch them out they then learn to hide everything and clear their history etc. so then if my current boyfriend did actually cheat on me I wouldn’t be able to find out because he would be better at hiding it…
I know it sounds like I should just dump him but this is the first healthy relationship I’ve ever had and we have nearly been together for 2 years and this is the first red flag… we have also moved out to a new state together and have no family here.
I just don’t know what to do and I don’t understand why my partner would even download tinder in the first place. We have a really healthy relationship and sex life 🙁 I always promised myself after I got out of my last relationship with my toxic ex that if I was ever cheated on again I will never give a second chance and end the relationship. I’m just really struggling at the moment and would appreciate some advice 🙁
**tl;dr: Partner downloaded Tinder whilst I was away – do I confront him?**
13 comments
Oh girl.
This isn’t a healthy relationship if ur bf is downloading Tinder. He doesn’t get a free pass cuz this is the first red flag in 2 years. This is a large flag. A deal breaking flag. Doesn’t matter if he was the perfect bf up until this point. This isn’t acceptable.
Have some respect for urself, move on, and know u can do better.
Well, you could talk to him about it. I’m not sure how much that would accomplish since he is actively trying to cheat on you. You could leave him but as you said that would be tough for you.
I’d say atleast mention it regardless of your decision. It won’t stop him but who knows maybe he will have an epiphany and devote his life to you.
Or maybe it will make him be more careful.
I’d personally end it, to me that’s cheating and the trust has been tarnished.
I think you need to cut your losses, sorry. You couldn’t trust him to stay faithful for a *week.*
I guess I’ve become cynical after having someone I loved cheat. I would say nothing at all to him and watch to see if he looks at the messages when you are back home.
Otherwise he will say he only was curious or signed up because he was bored. If he looks at the messages or responds he won’t be able to claim that.
I learned (sadly) to never confront until I knew the truth and proved it to my satisfaction. Otherwise a cheater will deny and excuse.
It’s not a healthy relationship, so.
Well, he wants some sex on the side. I recommend finding a more mature partner who knows that he only wants to be with you.
If you feel the need to check his search history, this isn’t a healthy relationship. If he’s actively seeking out ways to stealthily cheat on you, this isn’t a healthy relationship.
Don’t dismiss your own concerns and shut down the idea of confronting him by telling yourself it’s all healthy and good. There’s obviously something wrong.
I’m really sorry to break it to you but he already cheated by downloading tinder. As you already mentioned, he was even googling how to get a new phone number. You already confirmed he made the account for himself too. I definitely think you should confront him but I don’t think you should worry about him hiding things better next time because you simply shouldn’t give him a next time. I know it might hard at first but you deserve someone who doesn’t cheat on you. That is inexcusable. I really hope things work out for you ❤️
You went away because your cat that is very dear to you was in pain, and in that time he was looking for ways to talk to other people and potentially meet them… I don’t think I would personally try to keep the relationship. Especially if you’re codependent or easily accept apologies it might be hard to have a conversation about it without being swayed by their emotions (if they cry or gaslight or whatnot). I’m sorry this happened and I know it will be hard to accept. I’m so sorry for the passing of your kitty and sending you love in this time.
This is not a healthy relationship. If you don’t know what to do then its probably because your feel you wont find anyone else and your body doesn’t wanna go through depression from being alone again. You’re making any excuse to forgive him. Someone that waited for you to leave, researched and still went through with it. The amount of thought he used is insane. No one would tho that for their partner if there was true love.
You know what to do. It just sucks so you’re in denial.
It’s understandable. But c’mon, you know what to do
This is the first red flag but its a HUGE one that symbolizes how the rest of your relationship will be. You were away for a truly difficult reason. This will not be the only time you go thru something rough that may require you to be away. What if your parents get sick? Will your bf just download tinder and fuck other women? What about you? What if youre in the hospital? Is he gonna hunt for strange?
This wont be the last time. Youre 24, you will find someone else who is faithful.
Whether he cheated or not is irrelevant really, the intent was there.
Get rid of him, you’re young, find someone that doesn’t download tinder as soon as you’re away.