If you were made dictator of your state, what would you do?

42 comments

  1. Move the Yankees to Rochester just for fun, regularly conduct raids into Connecticut for their their women and riches, and annex Vermont, which is rightful New York clay.

    Also have someone power wash the Bay Ridge/95th Street R train station. Somebody spilled a big gulp on the platform there two weeks ago and I find the stain unsightly.

  2. As a New Yorker, I would split upstate from downstate and rename upstate after some Native American tribe

  4. Immediately abdicate and return power to the legislature. Democracy is non-negotiable.

    But that’s not fun so…officially designate Maryland our mortal enemy and declare war eternal.

  9. Return the land to the native Americans, and let them be in charge of their own state

  10. I’d divide Florida into 4 states, or administrative districts, or whatever — the name doesn’t matter.

    -) Northern Florida gets to be proper southern state like it deserves to be.

    -) Central Florida and Southern Florida each have their own unique thing going, and deserve to go their own way.

    -) I’ve always been tickled by the (very brief) existence of the Conch Republic as an independent nation. They even defended their existence by throwing loaves of stale Cuban bread at the “invading” US Coast Guard. I think the Conch Republic earned their freedom that day.

    It should go without saying that I’m still in charge of all of them, but I’m happy to lie back and be a figurehead dictator.

  13. VA. Remove the highways and place high speed rail in its place. Employ a ton of creek and river restorations. Increase taxes on rich fucks and go after historic tax credit abuses.

  15. First thing, most important – Mandate every single public bathroom has an exhaust fan that’s always on.

    Second – phase out fossil fuels.

    Third – house the homeless in tiny homes and make them see a therapist or someone who can help.

    Fourth – ban the Kardashians. Owning a product by them is punishable by death, watching their show – 20 years in jail

    Fifth – every cast member of the Jersey shore is banned from NJ

    Sixth – grocery stores can’t throw out food unless it’s spoiled or something, they have to donate it to a food bank

    Seventh – public transit everywhere, on demand. Little Short buses that pick you up and drop you off door to door. It’s free for everyone who wants to use it

    Eighth – mandate high density medium to low income housing

    Then I’m gonna take a break and think on it some more

    Edit – make everyone paint their roofs with that highly reflective white paint so it’s not so goddamn hot in the summer and fund research into a road surface that isn’t heat absorbing black because the summers are already unbearable stop making every outdoor surface black you fucking fucks!

    Second edit – the last thing I’d do is hold elections because benevolent dictators are followed by horrible dictators and everything crumbles so the people need to take control after I fix some things but ridding ourselves of the Kardashians is more important than democracy so imma need a few years to get that done

  17. Invade Vermont and attempt to annex it, knowing that will trigger an invasion from New York which would essentially repeat the story of Vermont’s admission to the union. Knowing that New York forces would overwhelm the New Hampshire army, we would summon reinforcements from Massachusetts and Maine using land grant incentives. As Massachusetts threatens invasion of NY from their Eastern border, NY is forced to divert manpower from Vermont to their Eastern border to stave off the Massachusetts People’s Army. In response, NY summons NJ and PA for reinforcements to allow NY to continue it’s concentration of pushing back against the NH-MA-ME combined army from making advancements into Vermont. NY understands that a successful annexation of Burlington VT by the NH-MA-ME would put NY’s sovereignty and state security at risk. The combined military might of the NY-NJ-PA army forces the NH-MA-ME army back, thus forcing them to summon RI but knowing RI’s additional manpower wouldn’t be enough to advance the opposition, the NH-MA-ME-RI army attempts to bargain with Connecticut to aid them in their conquest of the great Vermont Republic. Connecticut agrees to a temporary deal, angering the NY-NJ-PA army but as the war efforts go on, NYS spies within the CT sub army of the NH-MA-ME-RI-CT forces identify and relay information regarding the weak points in the New England army, thus allowing the NY-PA-NJ (and now CT) forces to successfully infiltrate, thus forcing the New England army to retreat and rally. Fighting goes on for some time before the NY-PA-NJ-CT army successfully annexes Boston, the capital of the NE army and military HQ. Eventually leading to the official surrender of the NE army and transforming New England into the Greater Republic of New York and her Sisters. Previously sovereign New England states now live under the thumb of New York City rule as a result of New Hampshire’s arrogant and ill thought out imperialistic ambitions.

  18. You’ve all heard the internet jokes. The plans have been made. We only need someone strong enough go execute them. Ohio will rule the world and the war starts today if i’m dictator.

  19. Eliminate local property use control, including but not limited to zoning. This will lead to a huge boom in construction, especially in the NYC area, which leads to lower prices

    Implement a carbon tax and dividend

    Remove the terrible weed licensing system and just make it open to everyone with like a hundred dollar shall issue license

    Mandate every town have at least one place to buy a garbage plate, I’m sick of driving to Rochester or making my own

  22. Boring Answer:

    Immediately step down and give the power back to the people.

    Fun Answer:

    Build a canal starting north of jacksonville and ending somewhere on the coast south of tallahassee so that Florida officially becomes an island nation state. Speaking of canals – I’d start slowly making cities in Florida on the coast into canal cities (think tropical Amsterdam) so that they are walkable and draw tourism. Give brightline money to expand up to jacksonville so all major metros are now connected, and start giving funding for the construction of light rail lines in any city that wants them. I’d also make Creole and Spanish official languages alongside english, and I’d move the capitol of Florida back to St. Augestine.

    Basically my goal would be to convert Florida into a walkable, multilingual beach side paradise.

  23. Invade Oklahoma and annex Cimarron County.

    Make the Astros & Rangers switch team colors.

    Make UT & aTm switch conferences with UTSA & aTm-Commerce.

    Create a new Texas Department of Silly Walks.

    Mandatory statewide duck duck goose on the first Thursday of every month.

    Make TCU fire Kendall Briles, Kaz Kazadi, and whoever that other asshole is they hired from Art Briles tenure at Baylor.

  24. I would look south; the blizzard winds cutting into my face and stirring my trapper hat.

    I’d take a sip of my two Hearted Ale, crack my knuckles and say:

    “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time, Ohio. Oh ya. A *long* time.”

  25. Would make it a law that if you can demonstrate that you pay more rent than a mortgage would be then banks must give mortgage loan with low/average interest.

  29. New York here

    I would redistrict our congressional seats to ensure that the Democrats have a majority in Congress.

    Attempt to incentivize businesses to come back to Western NY.

    Build a better airport in the North Country to allow tourism to increase revenue up there. It’s so gorgeous and people need to see it.

    Demand that NYC find a way to bring its pizza around the state. Rochester to send garbage plates everywhere. Binghamton and chicken speides.

    Invade New Jersey and decide that the pork product they fight over is just going to be called Taylor Roll or Pork Ham. Disband the New Jersey Devils. Put a Giant Jet shaped billboard in Buffalo reminding them they are no longer the only NFL team geographically in NY.

    Launch the NY Islanders into the sun.

  32. Expand Medicare (look into how we can have a base level of medical care for everyone so no one loses their house if they ever get sick)

    Change the states constitution to never be able to ban abortion or infringe on doctors from providing the best care available

    I would put an exit from 75/85 south to I 20 in the HOV lane

    I would bring back needing a permit for Conceal carry and require yearly training sessions to maintain the permit

    I would give more tax breaks to people in lower tax brackets that don’t have kids to make it more profitable to not have kids you can’t afford vs having them

  34. I would turn Baltimore into a huge prison, building walls around the city limits and taking cash payments (ie, bribes) from other states to put their crooks there, and then wait for the president’s plane to crash there so we could get an *Escape from Baltimore* movie.

  35. Florida here. I would legalize weed, constitutionally protect abortion and stop all the bullshit book bans. I’d also make a law to protect trans rights.

  37. Immediately invade South Carolina.

    According to ancient maps and the 9 dash line, South Carolina actually belonged to all of North Carolina.

  38. For Arizona, plant more trees in the cities. Require drip irrigation for farms and other water efficiency methods. Also ban large scale crops not made for a desert climate. Break up internet, water, and electricity monopolies; while requiring these services to invest in low income areas. STOP all use water and crop sales to Saudia Arabia just to spite them, fuck their money. Invest heavily in education and social programs for all. Abolish right to work and start bringing back unions. Sex workers will also be free to do their work unbothered and unharassed. Churches will also lose their tax free status and pay like the rest of us. Prison system will be completely reformed in a style more fit to Norway. Also, public transport will be a thing, a real high speed rail that connects all major parts of the station state and a local city train in Phoenix that connects everything and reduces car use. Also green initiatives and maybe pain the city a Bit more since all I see is dirt color. That’s about all I can think of and feel like typing.

  39. Ban smoking in all forms, ban small dogs, and make littering worth jail time. I would expand the the Fitchburg and Worcester commuter rail lines to Pittsfield and have a commuter rail version of 495 that connects the Newburyport, Haverhill, Worcester, Providence, and the Bourne station of the Boston-Hyannis train. I would eliminate the requirement of having cops oversee all roadwork.

    Finally I’d throw Boston and bone and connect North and South Station.

  40. Missouri

    Require all vehicles registered in MO to have a back license plate.

    Ban all restrictions on abortion in the first 6 months of pregnancy.

    Extend I-170 south to connect with I44 and I55.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like