My little sister passed away last year suddenly. My grandma has terminal cancer and has recently taken a turn for the worse. At best she has 4 days left. My mom (42F) is also going through a nasty divorce from my abusive alcoholic stepfather.
When my sister passed away, my mom was understandably a wreck. My mom thought it would be a good idea for my little brother (13M) to stay with us for a few days. I agreed. My sister had just died in that house and he needed to get away and get his mind off of things.
But my mom shouldn’t also be in that house alone after seeing a traumatic event. We offered her to come over too. She declined and said she was just going to have her bf stay with her.
A year later, my grandma is now hospitalized and has a few days left to live. My mom suggested the same thing, that my brother stay with us. She does have a new bf she has been seeing for a few weeks that is staying the night with her now. She is also going on a date with him Saturday night.
My mom says my grandma would have wanted her to go out Saturday night, but I think my grandma would have wanted us all to be together as a family. She can go on as many dates as she wants after she passes but she’s not even gone yet.
Tonight, my brother wasn’t feeling well and was tired. He just wanted to go but my mom insisted on us staying to meet him because aside from my brother we have never met the guy. My brother doesn’t care about this guy at this point and honestly I don’t either. I’m glad he makes my mom happy but I don’t know him.
My husband pointed this all out to me and I’ve realized how fucked this situation is.
My personal issue is that this dynamic just feels wrong. I feel like now more than ever, we all need eachother. If I was my brother, I would want my mom. He never talks about his feelings so I don’t know what he is thinking honestly. He is just preoccupied at the moment, having fun with us it seems.
I want to suggest to my mom that we all just stick together and be there for my grandma as much as we can before its too late. My grandma is unable to open her eyes or speak but she can still hear.
I’m not saying we need to be in the hospital 24/7 but just be together as a family right now.
TL;DR! I’m worried my mom’s way or coping could be hurting my brother.
2 comments
Your mother has had a lot of losses, your little sister being the most painful. Next is the divorce from your father and now her mother. I would let her do whatever will be the most comforting for her.
While I agree with your husband, your mother is probably still grieving the loss of your sister and not in great condition for supporting either your little brother or you.
It’s nice that you are offering to take your brother so that he can get away from all of the sadness.
Sounds like you mom has been through hell, and is still going through it. Losing a child, dealing with an abuser, getting a divorce and now losing her mother. Frankly, your mom sounds like she needs to grab on to all the snippets of happiness she can get. The woman sounds like she certainly needs a break every once in a while otherwise she might be the one who breaks.