I find that the men who have what I’m looking for are immediately friendzoned in my mind because I’ve categorized them as “feminine” and given them a sexuality that may not be theirs. I don’t want to hold on to these beliefs anymore and am working through them slowly but surely.
I just want to hear experiences from both sides. The men who are, unfortunately, labeled because they aren’t drowning in socially accepted stereotypical (toxic) masculinity and the women who choose to date them.
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I don’t consider myself feminine but I’ve also realized that I no longer care about trying to portend to be masculine either. Like, I’m still a guy…I am proud of my nasty farts, I play sports often and I like drinking PBR occasionally
but also I will order a fruity drink if I’m in the mood, I’ll wear pink because I think I look good in it and I watch Real Housewives of Potomac with my sister in law. I’m sure some people will consider that “unmasculine” but what the hell do I care? I’m more interested in being authentic than trying to wear a mask to give off the impression of being manly
It’s funny too because honestly, to me real masculinity (or femininity) is not giving a shit what others think. Confidence and authenticity is more important to me than wanting a “feminine” woman. Of course there are certain things that are associated with femininity that I appreciate (like shaving armpits, for example) but to me that’s something I realize is a personal preference. I don’t want her to be only feminine because that also means she’s unassertive (what I mean is that “classical femininity” dictates that women are passive…I don’t want that at all)
In my case I don’t really date often and tend to just hook up once or twice a year. I’m deeply autogyniphilic but still straight. It almost occurs as a sort of multiple personality disorder or like some consistent inconsistency for me. Lots of women seem to think I’d make a great partner or husband, but I’m not interested in dating any woman who I don’t also like to imagine being. I just rarely feel interested enough to pursue anyone.
What kind of stuff do you perceive as feminine in a man?
Don’t know if this is what you’re looking for but here goes:
One of the guys I climb with is the most gay straight guy ever. My other gay friends adore him. He’s a paramedic, super cheerful and positive, rather loud, very smiley, high energy, dresses in weird things (loves a poncho), makes jokes all the time and has one of Tue healthiest relationships EVER. He and his fiancé have been together for ages now. He’s supported her through struggling with eating disorders,anxiety, family drama, general depression and life stressors, school stressors – and always managed to be both her partner, best friend, and biggest cheerleader. They’ve had buts of living together for months with zero issues, then months of long-ish-distance of only seeing each other on the weekends due to uni and work constraints. I’ve photographed their engagement photoshoot and they’re truly a superb match. I know him better than I do her (she lives a little further away for uni, so she doesn’t hang out with us as much) and our group is fairly open – they also have a super healthy sex life and both are beyond happy with each other. I love this person’s personality.
My partner now is very positive in general, and although he’s very manly in my eyes (and is stoic about a lot of things) there’s nothing at all toxic about him. He says he’s very often asked if he’s gay because he smiles a lot (so damn much, which is the best) is very well mannered, and will happily wear a pink/salmon coloured T-shirt. He’s the most respectful person. He’s incredibly kind and caring. He’s supportive. He’s so damn sexy to me that I totally lose concentration sometimes when he speaks and have to ask him to repeat himself because my brain malfunctioned to just play “fuck, you’re beautiful” on repeat in my head. Best and easiest relationship I’ve ever had.
Not sure why this thread is being downvoted, because this is something I actually think about from time to time so thank you for posting this question/subject.
Just my own experience:
Male here – I don’t consider myself to be “feminine” in an overall sense, but I do embrace some things about myself that are more feminine than most of my other guy friends. I have thick, wavy, blue hair and I have a routine to keep it looking nice. I have no shame wearing a bright pink Kirby button-up shirt if I feel like it. Hell, just this past weekend, I had a friend put eyeliner on me because I wanted eye wings, and I felt pretty as fuck. I have a quiet disposition when I’m in unfamiliar environments, but I smile a lot and I wear my emotions on my face because I’m always listening and feeling. I’m the emotional support himbo friend. I often get comments about how gentle I am (more often by strangers, because I don’t talk as much in big social settings with lots of people – I’m way better at one-on-one conversations, and I hate small talk), but this has led me to getting friendzone’d in the past. I’ve often asked myself why I feel like this is, and I think it’s because I’m usually quiet by default since I’m more of a listener around strangers or unfamiliar environments. I think in my case, it comes down to the fact that quiet doesn’t really garner attention/attraction, so I’ve been trying to be a little more outgoing. But, as I get more comfortable with myself in my early 30s, I get more positive attention from women as I embrace my feminine qualities little bit more. I’ve also been allowing myself to explore my sexuality a bit more, and I think it’s all in an effort to become more comfortable with myself. (I’ve only ever dated/been interested in women, but as time passes, I’m starting to find myself attracted to people of all genders) I think growing up in a small town in the middle of Virginia probably didn’t help, because only in the past few years as I’ve been travelling more have I really felt like I’m more comfortable coming out of my shell and letting myself be me.