I never ever been to a club or bar and I want to go tonight but I’m really scared and anxious.

Any tips or advice for an older person doing this for their first time?

How to talk to people? What to talk about in these environments?

Anything advice would be nice.

46 comments

  1. Sit at the bar and be relaxed and friendly with the bartender and they will usually take you under their wing if you get there before it gets too busy. I’ve had many great night like this in new cities after a move, if the bartender is nice they will introduce you to the other regulars or bring you into the conversations. Other people will get chatty once they are a couple drinks in and order their drinks. It was really nerve wracking at first but just remember that if it sucks you can always go somewhere else or go home and try another night. Good luck and have fun!

  2. Older person…The first time I went to a club I was dragged there by a roommate. 41, recently divorced. It was exactly as I expected: ear splitting loud music, too many people for the space and literally screaming to be heard.

    But hella fun. Get a drink, start up a conversion. Talk about what brought them here. Are they having a good night? Compliment something they’re wearing or their hairstyle. Just engage in a conversation. Move around the room a little through the night so as not to crowd someone. If they seem interested it will be pretty obvious: eye contact, feet pointed toward you, might put their hand on your arm or around your back. Do the same. They’re also there to meet people so if you go in there with that mindset it’s sooo much easier to engage. Have fun and stay hydrated.

  4. I went to my first true nightclub at 23 in Manhattan, NYC. It’s crazy at first but I highly recommend it. I also recommend you “pre-game” especially if you have good public transportation where you are (like nyc for example, or any large city) and you should be good.
    I met people at these places with no intention of meeting anyone, it comes naturally the more you drink. I’ve noticed people give you time to loosen up a bit with some drinking.

    Will any of these people become actual friends? Probably not, but I had no intention of making real friends since it was only a week I was in the city. Fun for the night though.

    If you’re not a fan of getting drunk, don’t go unless you’re confident and comfortable in crowded areas. You don’t need to be drunk to have a good time, but you need to be comfortable.

  6. I’d recommend drinking before you get there (unless you’re driving of course!) because drinks can be overprices and it helps to get you in a good mindset before you go. It’s important to remember too that people are used to and expecting random strangers to try and start up conversation with them.

  7. My advice is to start small by going early when it’s less crowded and talking to the bartenders and familiarize yourself with the environment. It’s okay to be nervous, we all have been there, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. As for conversation starters, try asking people about their favorite drink or othr good spots in town. Most importantly: Be yourself and have fun!

  8. Go to the bar first, and meet people and go to the club together. Literally what I did last week

  9. 1.Don’t go to the club by yourself 2.Go to the bar and buy a drink people will talk to you especially if you go regularly, the hard part is not being socially awkward in conversation but if you are it’s fine blame it on the alcohol.

  10. I decided to get out of my comfort zone years back and started going to clubs or bars by myself. Usually if I wanted to go somewhere and my friends didn’t I’d just say screw it and go. Met a lot of cool people and if anything don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You actually have a lot of freedom being solo. You can move whenever you want, go wherever, don’t have to wait on anyone, etc. Just focus on relaxing into the environment and being in the moment.

  11. Find the biggest guy there and knock him flat on his ass. This will assert your dominance to the patrons of venue and will guarantee you mating rights with the person you choose.

  12. The Pony Bama was the first club I went to. Surprisingly everyone there was super nice despite the fact I’m completely mute when meeting new people and the way I usually dress

  13. Just go & have a great time by yourself! Enjoy the alone time & if you happen to meet a new friend.. SWEET!!!

  14. First of all, you’re not “older”. Secondly, it’s an environment where big silly movements or verbalizations are acceptable, so you can think of it as a chance to play around and move. If only that, that’s enough!

  15. Smell good , and find peace within yourself and have a good time- people gravitate towards calm confidence

  16. When I lived in NYC, I went out by myself. People would ask me if I came with anyone. My answer, “yes, they’re around here somewhere.” Which, in all actuality, was very typical for how the evening would turn out.

  17. Have uber or lyft, etc., ready on your phone so you have a way back.

    Be cautious how much you drink if you’re not aware of your tolerance.

    (or order a soda and lime, looks like a drink)

    Make eye contact with people, smile.

    Have fun!

  18. From my experience, get their before it gets busy order something light for start and maybe something to eat. When any group comes in smile and appear friendly usually they will take you to their group seeing you are alone.

    If you are not approached by anyone, you can also approach someone you find interesting. You can start the conversation with small questions like what are you drinking or what do you think of the music, lighting of these place etc etc.

    Another protip, carry a lighter ( even if you are a non smoker ) and gums. People tend to ask for these and can lead to interesting conversations.

  20. Dress up and make sure youre feeling yourself.

    Depends what kind of club you go to. The clubs i go to are ratchet, im not trying to have much conversation with anybody. Im on the dance floor or waiting in line to get a drink.

    I feel like maybe a lounge would be a better vibe if youre trying to chat with people. I went to a lounge and it was such a vibe , lots of people there are down to talk wasnt super dancey.

    When i go clubbing, i wear my favorite fit. Get tipsy. Roll a blunt to smoke inside the club. Then booty shake the night away. Take pics with drunk girls in the bathroom. I cant tell if youre man or woman but if youre woman go to the bathroom and befriend the girls, drunk bathroom club girls are my favorite people to interact with.

  21. The first time I went to a bar is to attend a Mardi Gras event featuring a jazz/rock band. I went there by myself, cuz I couldn’t find anyone who also love jazz or rock lol.

    The music was great, I didn’t catch a word they are singing but I don’t care. I tried 2 kinds of drinks and everyone’s dancing and singing along, beads throwing everywhere. I even took some pictures with a bunch of strangers whose outfits I really like. I don’t normally do that.

    So I would suggest to go to a bar event you like and just enjoy. You don’t necessarily have to talk to anyone.

  22. No one really knows who’s in the club. It doesn’t matter if u go alone. Clubs are always almost busy and no one really knows you are alone or not

  23. I think it helps to go with a friend cause if it’s a quieter place, you have someone to talk to to help avoid random conversations and if it’s a popping club you’ll have someone to help you find your groove

  25. No real tips but just go in get a drink and sit back relax talk to some people. I’m 25 too and I remember I went with my buddy a few years ago and just sat there lol. So many cute girls and we just sat on a stool the whole night and didn’t say shit. Now it’s different very different.

    But alcohol does change people, so don’t be thinking you’re going in there to make friends, if you make one awesome, but just talk to people as it comes.

    Literally anything you can talk about, everyone’s drunk haha as I am right now lol

  28. i wouldn’t if you aren’t a drinker. i only went with my friends a couple of times and even then since i didn’t drink, after like an hour everyone was drunk and people don’t really want to talk they just want to dance and get lost in the music, so if you are the only sober one there your ears start to hurt by all the people talking and screaming over the music, your mouth starts to hurt because you have to scream as well over the music and the conversation is just pointless small conversation and your eyes as well as seeing drunk people move around is like watching a documentary.

    i didn’t exactly regret it but i didn’t like it either. it was fun to dress pretty and enjoy the moment but usually the music was trash as well so after an hour or two it was just it and i felt like going home.
    as another fellow lonely bitch i do not recommend it as i would have more fun by myself at home

    as another comment said, go to the gym, it’s much easier to talk to people, you can bring your own music, you still spend time with other people and you get used to them being around you and the instructors are really nice or other people around you. wear a band/tv t shirt so if anyone notices “hey is that x?” you’re like “hell yeah! have you seen the show as well?” and from there you start talking. or if someone wears a thing you like you try to start a conversation.

  29. Hey I love that you want to be more social and get out of your comfort zone I had the same desires when I was in my early 20s!

    Something I want to bring to your attention: Social Proof/Status. You will have none simply because you are alone. All this means is that you will be fighting an uphill battle socializing which is ok but I just want you to be aware of this phenomenon.

    My tips:

    1. Have a Regular spot you go to and be extra friendly right from the start! Make it the first stop on any night out. This will give you a home base that you are comfortable in and gives you the opportunity to warm up your social skills in the beginning of every night.

    2. Consistently GENEROUSLY tip. This one is so underrated. You are incentivizing the bartenders to keep you happy and around. once they recognize you’re generous they will usually take care you of first, make introductions etc. Yes it will be expensive but this is the life you chose.

    3. Last tip: Dress as nice as you can possibly afford for the occasion. Don’t go out in a 2k 3-piece suit you’ll just look dumb. But spend some good money on some classy slim fit shirts and pants with nice colours/materials. Spend some money on a couple QUALITY bomber/leather jackets, buy a nice pair of all black and all white shoes (will match most outfits) maybe a couple rings etc

    Having a good fashion sense and being dressed well will make you feel so confident people will be able to taste it and when you’re going out alone it is PARAMOUNT for you to feel this way.

    Hope this helps. Good luck!

  30. No one gives a fuck about you. Keep that in mind. Drink if you drink alcohol and have fun.

  31. don’t drink too much. Aside from all the health implications drunk people are the worst.

  32. if it’s too loud to talk (clubs, loud bars), you shouldn’t try to say much. Your success all depends on how you look and how good you are at dancing.

    If you’re not super good looking or an amazing dancer (or just a run-of-the-mill woman lol double standards), go to a quieter bar and start chatting with people. To be clear, you still need to dress as good as you can. Chat with everyone, not just the women. Tip the bartender well, and don’t get drunk. Have a water in between drinks and no more than 1 drink every hour. Also, do NOT drink and drive nor get in the car if a person who has been drinking is driving. Call an uber/taxi.

    Talk about fun, exciting topics and be charismatic – no one wants to hear about your boring office job. Also, people are drawn to people who are having fun so don’t just sulk in the corner. Travel/vacations, tell jokes, current events (if they’re not too serious), funny stories, playful hypotheticals, lighthearted teasing, etc. While it’s generally recommended to stay in one spot at the bar and engage people as they gravitate towards you to order drinks, you will still have to approach. Be confident, smile, and introduce yourself. Have something ready to say off the bat and even some backup things. You may have to end up “riffing”…keep talking about various topics until you find something they’re interested in. Chat for a while, then get their number. You may even be invited along to join them to go to another bar/party. If they just keep talking about in-group stuff you wouldn’t understand and don’t make an effort to include you, it’s a signal they aren’t interested. Don’t be discouraged if you get the cold shoulder. Just find someone else to talk to and don’t let it bring you down. If you just get continually rejected (which can happen), you probably want to find another bar or just go home. It’s good to do this near a strip of bars so you have options.

  33. Go there anyways. Just do it man, it’s okay that you feel all the emotions and all these anxieties… just go on and get in there and stay in as long as possible. Once you’ve achieved this goal, start working towards another mountain to climb.

  34. Going to a club or bar for the first time can be intimidating, especially if you’re going by yourself. Here are some tips that may help you feel more at ease:

    Choose a venue that you feel comfortable with: Do some research beforehand and choose a place that you feel safe and confident in.

    Plan ahead: Make sure you know the dress code, cover charge, and the kind of music or crowd you can expect.

    Dress comfortably: Wear something that makes you feel good and confident.

    Arrive early: Getting there early can help you get settled and get a feel for the environment before it gets too crowded.

    Be approachable: Smile, make eye contact, and be open to talking to people.

    Order a drink: Having a drink can help you relax and give you something to do if you feel nervous.

    Find common ground: Ask people about their interests, what they do for fun, or where they’re from. This can help start a conversation.

    Respect others: Make sure to treat everyone with respect and be mindful of personal boundaries.

    Have a plan: Make sure you have a way to get home safely, whether it’s a taxi, ride-sharing service, or designated driver.

    Remember, everyone is there to have a good time, so try to relax and enjoy yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself if things don’t go perfectly – it’s all part of the experience!

  35. depends on the type of establishment, but take up photography as a hobby. when i went to places alone, i started bringing a camera (nothing crazy) with me as a hobby and realized, behind a camera, you can be as invisible or visible as you want, but with all the authority. you never look out of place or anxious and you always have something to do with your hands lol it’s also a great way to meet people. everyone loves a camera. also find an outfit that you look so good in and feel so good in. there is always an outfit out there that makes you feel unstoppable. like you start acting different and feel like the world needs to see how good you look 🤣 go find that fit!

  36. Go there to have a good time and let loose. Also don’t feel pressured to drink if you’re not a drinker. I usually go to clubs sober and always have a good time without ever drinking anything but water or soda. It does help that I know how to dance, so maybe brush up on some simple dance moves before you go. Most people are terrible dancers so you will stand out even if you only do some simple moves. Which usually is a good conversation starter if people notice

    You can drink a bit to loosen up but honestly, you don’t need to because nobody really cares. Most people are drunk tipsy whatever, so they probably won’t even notice that you’re by yourself anyway.

  37. How crowded of a place is it and what country are you located in? You’re going to love it! I’ve felt the same way and what I like to do is tell myself that at the very worst, it will at least be great people watching!

    Above all i would say be friendly with the bartenders. For so many reasons. But also that they will usually look out for you (safety).

    Sit at the bar (not at a table or booth) and keep open body language. Seem approachable. Chat with the bartenders. Smile. Try to stay off your phone.
    If another solo person sits next to you, be open to having a conversation with them. Sometimes I offer to buy a drink for other solo people at the bar (or groups of 2).

  39. 25 is older now? Christ!

    But no, I can’t add much, it’d be ideal if you can go with someone but being by yourself, at the bar, is totally acceptable. Maybe done hit a big club or something noisy and chaotic, do some scouting of what sort of vibe you want.

  44. I’m sorry but I laughed at when you said “older person”……your 25!! That’s super young and you will fit right in. Lol

  45. Go when it’s busey have few drinks at home..you will just blend in. Hit the dance floor show off your best moves.

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