I’m just looking for genuine advice. No, I don’t plan to leave my husband, so please to suggest that. I do GENUINELY love him. Just struggling atm.
I (28f) have known my husband (34m) for several years. Before we officially starting dating, he was in an accident that left him with a plethora of health concerns. One of which is ED (erectile dysfunction). We got married after dating for 4 years. During that time, we had sex only a few times and never to completion. When we do try, nothing seems to work out. He gives me pleasure through fingering every now and then and has bought be a ton of sexual toys, but whenever we do anything like that, I find it hard to stay in the moment. I don’t know if I fall out of the moment because it feels selfish I can’t give him pleasure, or if I just don’t fully like using dildos.
I’ve had one other sexual partner in my life when I was in high school and we had sex A LOT. I remember enjoying it, but I don’t know why I feel like this now. I love him. I find him attractive. But I just never want to get intimate when it comes down to just using toys and fingers. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on a big part of being married and having a relationship…
Any advice to help us work on intimacy in other ways?
2 comments
I think this issue needs a professionals advice; perhaps a sex therapist would be a wise direction to seek input.
With him having ED I can’t imagine the self destructive monologue that plagues him;
Sex is a big part of a relationship, a cornerstone.
If therapy is out of the question perhaps research on none penetration methods, I didn’t see you mention oral, but hey, climax isn’t the only point of sex; just exploring can be very fun.
If the ED is due to his injury and cannot be dealt with through Viagra or diet or exercise, then it is something you to have no choice but to live with. However, it is possible to work around sexual disabilities and still have a satisfying sex life. It won’t be the same as with someone without such disabiliities, but it can still be fulfilling.