when was the moment in your life that the thought ‘ill never try to please anyone anymore’ clicked?

8 comments

1. I don’t think there was a defining moment but I’m 23 now and at like 18 I was just doing shit to appease everyone and it became draining. You can’t make everyone happy and you shouldn’t die trying

2. Never…and I’m old. Work on having stronger boundaries and then you won’t feel disappointed in your efforts to please. I know your question isn’t really looking for advice but it would be such a shame to never want to please anyone, ever again.

3. There was no such moment, and I don’t think there ever will be for me.

   While trying to please everyone is a futile endeavor, giving up and saying “fine I just won’t try to please *anyone*,” is just another unhealthy extreme.

   I still try to please my family and my professors and my employers, though I won’t completely sacrifice my own personal wants and desires in the process of pleasing others like I used to.

4. When I was 18, about to leave for college, I remember my dad yelling at me because I had asked someone to bring me toilet paper since there was non in the bathroom. He told me I was being an entitled princess, and that if I would just replace the toilet paper more often, this wouldn’t be an issue (I shared the house with 3 other people). I’d always wanted his approval, but that was the breaking point. It was just so ridiculous that I gave up.

5. When I was told this winter I wasn’t getting the raise I deserve (to match inflation).

6. I was 13. I spent 10 hrs deep cleaning the entire house including my siblings bedrooms.

   My stepdad did this thing every day where he’d come home from work sit at the dining room table and say really aggressively “so what the fuck did you spend the whole day doing?” If I answered he’d get angry and say it was a rhetorical question, if I didn’t answer he’d get angry and say I was a lazy fuck who wasn’t answering because the answer was I “did nothing” the whole day.

   I went through and listed every thing I did. Bleaching the cupboards and counters, dusted all of the furniture, tightened all of those goddamn kitchen knobs, folded all of the laundry and put it away, etc.

   He then asked me what I got down in the garden, I told him I hadn’t had time to clean the garden. He told me I was “fucking worthless” and I should’ve been able to weed the garden and clean the house. Our house is on 1 acre of land and the gardens made up half of it.

   I quit caring after that.

   Our relationship has healed since then, what he did and said to me growing up wasn’t okay but he does genuinely love all of us and went to bat for me when my mom was adamant that I couldn’t be in sports because “who would watch the kids?” She was/is a stay at home mom.

   He also fixes my car and does basic maintenance whenever it needs it. He’s gotten to be nicer, my mother is a natural instigator and would lie to him to get myself and my siblings in trouble.

7. I bought two beautiful, locally designed and hand made pendant necklaces and wrapped them up with a high effort wrapping job all ready for Christmas. Neither of my “best friends” even called or texted me on or near Christmas. I have the two necklaces unwrapped and for sale on a consignment site. Both friends got mentally downgraded to aquaintances which is where I apparently rate to them. 🙁

8. In my 30’s and it’s even stronger now. It’s just not worth it.