My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 4 months and it’s been going well. Admittedly, I was the one who pursued him first, so I already was going into this as “I like him more than he likes me” but I was hopeful and eventually he told me he had a crush on me too and always thought I was the cute girl around.
Since we’re together now, it’s a given that he is attracted to me, but I have always felt insecure as he is the first white man I have ever been with and I’m latina. He’s not the type to fetishize or sexualize women, so that’s not what runs through my mind. I think what gets to me is that we have only had sex 3 times and nothing else inbetween.
He compliments me here and there, says I look cute when we’re on the couch watching tv, or compliments my hairstyle sometimes, or has called me hot infront of my friends when they’re talking about me, but other than that I don’t feel like he truly thinks I’m beautiful or gorgeous enough to get turned on by me? I’ve noticed that since he’s from a very northern part of the country, a lot of his friends and people he follows are also Caucasian, so it just gets me insecure that maybe he’s not used to my body nor my complexion- so when I tried to initiate sex a few weeks ago, he kind of stopped kissing me and said “sorry I’m just not a very sexual person”.
This confuses me because when we first started dating, I held off sex for a while because every time he came over we kept teasing eachother. And now after he’s got it, while he is still very loving and caring in other ways, he doesn’t seem to care about my body anymore, atleast for sex. He kisses me and gives me massages, but it ends there. I’d like to mention that I am in shape and live a healthy lifestyle and haven’t changed. I’m just not sure what to do or how to feel, because he’s the most handsome man I’ve been with and i don’t have a huge sex drive in general so I’m okay with not having it, but it makes me wonder if it’s just because he’s explored me in those ways already and just doesn’t care anymore, and thinking “the last time we had sex was 1.5 months ago” is really affecting me because we’re young and in a fairly new relationship
TL;DR- my boyfriend has rejected my initiations for sex about twice we’ve only had sex 3 times and while I feel like he does care about me deeply, and shows it in other ways, it’s made me feel insecure and question if it’s a race thing or if he just had a very low sex drive.
3 comments
Is it possible he is closeted queer? You just never know. Or he could be demi-sexual or perhaps borderline asexual? There are a lot of possibilities and none of them are your fault. If he didn’t think you were attractive he wouldn’t say those things. But appreciating aesthetics and having a physical chemistry are two different things.
It kinda sounds like you’ve been preparing yourself for this relationship failing even before you started dating him. First it’s “I know I’m more invested than he is” (which isn’t a problem on its own, rather taken with everything else), then it’s “he doesn’t _really_ like me”, and using his reactions as ammo for your assumptions.
Maybe he’s refraining from sex because you were so apprehensive about it at first, and he fears bringing it up because he doesn’t want to seem pushy? Have you ever talked to him about any of your concerns and about how you’d like to have sex more often? I don’t see anything here about you talking to him.
Also, jumping to assuming that he might be gay or that he can’t like you because he’s from a predominantly white region…just talk to him before this spirals out of control, please.
>every time he came over we kept teasing eachother
How?