My mom told me that if I ever needed the pill, I should tell her and that it’s not a problem. So I had my first sexual encounter and talked to her about taking the pill after it. I didn’t tell her I already had some kind of sex and I think she only thinks I’m at an early stage of a relationship and planning for the future. She doesn’t know that I went on Tinder and slept with a guy I met a few days ago. She thinks I’m really like her and that I want to wait for the perfect person before doing it…
We talked about it once and she didn’t recommend having my first time with a one night stand and said this was not the kind of person I was anyway. I didn’t say anything at the time but now I feel bad. I’m 18 and didn’t feel ashamed to start a not so serious relationship with a tinder date. I want to experiment a bit because I’m frustrated of waiting. But now I feel bad because I feel like it’s expected of me to do it with a boyfriend.
My mom asked questions about the guy, how I met him, how long we’ve been talking. I really don’t like to lie so I told her the truth expect I omitted the meeting on Tinder part and said we had known each other for a few weeks. I told her I wasn’t sure it was going to be something serious but I really don’t want to develop. I already told her way more than I’d like and I don’t want her to think she’s ever going to meet him or anything. And what if in a month, the guy I’m with is suddenly different? It’s possible since I’m interested in finding something long term but don’t mind short term. What would she think of me then?
We aren’t religious but we don’t talk about sex a lot at home. I didn’t want to talk about this with my mom because she always spills things about my private life to everyone and it makes me uncomfortable. But I know communication is important so I mentioned the pill and going to the gynecologist as promised. I don’t want any moral lessons and I don’t want her to worry about my lifestyle choice. In one week I could very well be not in contact with the guy anymore so what would I do then? Telling her means admitting I only searched for sex and else it’s lying and lies are not a solution.
My stupid brain is overthinking as always. I think I have the right to a private life and sex is my choice. Should I just tell her I don’t wanna talk about it? As parents, would you understand my motivations?
3 comments
It’s your life…. Share as much or as little as you want to.
Based on the fact that your mother is cool and calm about starting the pill, I feel that you should be able to talk to her along the lines of “I don’t want to share too much of my private life, but rest assured that I will take care of my health, including contraceptives and STD protection”. I think this is a very reasonable boundary to have.
You’re 18 if you want to keep your sex life private you can. As a parent though I hope my kids feel comfortable coming to me so I can help them make healthy decisions. I don’t want to know everything but just enough to help them. Tell your mom you’re not comfortable talking about your sex life but that you are in fact becoming sexually active. That should be all they need to know to help you get birth control or obgyn appts ect.