(I know by the title it looks suspicious bc of our ages but we started talking before knowing our ages, it’s platonic friendship and I have a bf. I’m not grooming her by any means. I always tell her to be careful of older people, especially men who would want to talk to her.)
I’m playing a game I think it’s a mmorpg. I joined a crew in it with a friend who I knew from before (let’s call her Vic) the game and everything was good at first. I joined the discord of the crew funny and cool. But then I learn that there’s grooming going on.
A girl (let’s call her Ellie) there is flirting with everyone and being sexual with everyone. Ellie got abused by a guy (let’s call him Kyle) there who they banned. But she continues with others. Everyone in the server knew this at the time it happened and one guy (let’s call him Josh) who is 29, soon 30 still, after Kyle thing, flirts with the 18 yo girl. No one finds it an issue bc “she is legal” but I do. I think it’s disgusting not only the age gap but because Josh knows how vulnerable Ellie is, she just got out of an abusive and manipulative “virtual relationship” and instead of leaving her alone he flirts with her and apparently they’re dating ?? He also buys her stuff for the game
The things they say are really disgusting. I tried to talk to Ellie but she is so in denial and told me to mind my business “it’s private” but it’s not true since they flirt and talk disgusting (idk if u want example but really, it’s very inappropriate) in public channels.
Anyways I got angry because no one was listening to me, some people who knew don’t do anything so I left the discord and game. But now Ellie is making her own discord server with Josh and invited my friend Vic. She didn’t want to join at first bc of them but she joined anyways bc she wants to be with her other friends who are not bad people and with whom she has fun.
I told her she should make her own discord server and invite everyone there except those 2 and people who condone their behavior, and if people don’t want to follow her because they’d rather stay with Josh and Ellie, then they’re not good people to be friends with. But she said she doesn’t care anymore because it’s not her problem if they want to ruin themselves, and she doesn’t want to make her own discord server because she doesn’t want to manage a whole discord server.
But I don’t understand how you can be ok with a 30 yo guy dating a 18 yo girl especially knowing how vulnerable she is (she has other issues than her former relationship btw so when I say she’s vulnerable she really is not only bc of the first relationship)
I don’t want to tell Vic who to be friends with and who not to be friends with but I really am not comfortable knowing she gave up and doesn’t want to care anymore. After I wrote this she told me Ellie has to change too, that if she didn’t flirt with everyone nothing would’ve happened. I don’t agree with this.
She might be lonely needing attention, comfort and love but she’s 18, she thinks a 30yo guy wanting her is normal. She obviously can’t think straight. She’s the victim manipulated and used by this guy. She should be careful with people especially older men BUT Josh is the real issue. He doesn’t have ANY excuse to be flirting and dating a 18 yo girl. Why can’t he leave her alone ? Why can’t he go date and flirt with women his own age ?
I got grossed out after my last convo with Vic and I really want to tell her if she’s okay with this, if she joins their server and entertain them, she’s condoning everything and I can’t stay friends with someone who does this. I can’t but I don’t want to lose her. How can i convince her (if I can) without giving her an ultimatum ? I don’t want to force her to choose between them and me but I can’t stay friends with someone who closes their eyes in front of grooming.
Characters summary :
Me 23F
Vic, my good friend 19F
Ellie, victim of grooming 18F
Kyle, first groomer who shocked and repulsed everyone so much he got banned 23M
Josh, second groomer who probably learned from Kyle what not to do to get Ellie more easily 29M
(Sorry if it’s a bit messy I tried to make it short I hope you still get what I tried to explain)
TL;DR : my friend wants to join a discord server with a groomer (29M) and his victim (18F) because her other friends will be there but I think by doing this she’s condoning grooming and I am not okay with it, I can’t stay friends with her but I don’t want to lose her at the same time. Idk what to do.
EDIT : Formatting bc I’m on mobile
EDIT 2 : Info : Ellie and Vic are not friends. Vic hates Ellie for other reasons. I don’t want Vic to stop interacting with Ellie since they aren’t interacting with each other in the first place. They only talked in PMs when Ellie asked Vic to join her new server. Ellie isn’t the issue but she unfortunately can’t be helped. Some people tried to talk to her but she doesn’t listen, like previously said, she’s in denial. We are only internet acquaintances we literally can’t do anything for her.
Please stay on topic.
5 comments
On the one hand, you’re not obligated to be friends with anyone. On the other hand, breaking contact with someone specifically because that person might get into a bad situation, and I’m referring to Ellie here, seems counterproductive.
I saw 2 comments in my notifications but I can’t see them here
But the one who said to mind my own business stfu. I don’t care about all the other people they’re not my friends. My issue is morality. I have morals. If my friend Vic wants to stay friends with people who condone grooming then I can’t be friends with her.
And what I was asking in my post was how to tell my friend she’s not doing the right thing without giving her an ultimatum. I will walk away if she doesn’t change her mind, I’m not forcing her or will not force her on anything.
I just want to try to make her understand that by joining a discord server with groomers and their victims she’s condoning their behavior which I am not okay with. But I don’t want her to feel pressured or that I’m giving her an ultimatum so idk how to tell her.
I reread my post and seriously I don’t see how you can’t understand what I’m asking. It’s a long post I know but please read carefully.
Oh my goodness! All these men seem to all want Ellie and to groom her!
Are you sure you’re not interested in Ellie? This girl must have cast a spell on all the men in your friend group lol
Sounds like Vic thinks Ellie is old enough to learn things for herself.
You are probably right her previous experience is playing a part right now.
If you don’t want to be around all that it is perfectly fine, if that atmosphere doesn’t fit in with your values it’s a good idea to not be a part of it.
I can’t even see some comments that are rude asf, wonder why. Everyone posts about their relationships, this sub is solely for that. Just because I’m preaching about MY morals doesn’t mean I’m telling YOU how to think. If it bothers you, there’s certainly something wrong about how YOU think. I never told anyone in the comments how they think is wrong but y’all are telling ME how to think and how MY morals are wrong. Sounds pretty much like projection.
This sub isn’t only for romantic relationships so you can stop spitting shit just because you don’t agree with something. It only says things about you, not the other way around. How is it wrong for me to advocate AGAINST GROOMING ? Check yourself first before criticizing and insulting other people maybe.