I (26F) dated a guy (28M) for 3 months last summer. We connected from the beginning and I really thought he could be the one. He would tell me I was perfect for him and he felt like he knew me his whole life. We made it exclusive and talked about a long-term relationship. He ended things with me, citing the need to focus on his career and said he would contact me again once he was more settled. I was hurt but we ended on good terms. I went on a few first dates after but didn’t connect with anyone like I did with him.
He contacted me 3 weeks ago asking to meet up. We spoke on the phone for almost an hour and had a good conversation catching up on life, so I agreed to meet up. I had the intention of taking things slowly and seeing if we still connect in person because we hadn’t seen each other in months. During our meetup, we talked like old friends, mostly about surface level topics. He would ask me vague questions about my future plans, so I would give him vague answers. Little did I know, he had the intention of getting straight to business and actually wanted to know my feelings and future life plans in detail.
At the end of our meet up, he went off for an hour about how he felt like we are incompatible long-term because I don’t know what I want in life and don’t express my feelings well and that would cause problems in the future. I told him it’s our first time seeing each other in months and I need time to open myself up to him again. He said his time was too valuable for me to do that. He said he finds out things about people on second dates that he still doesn’t know about me (ex: kids, future living situation, etc), but he never asked me these specific questions. He also admitted he actually ended things last year because he couldn’t tell where things were going, even though I made it clear I was in it for the long-run.
For the last 2 weeks, I’ve been feeling worthless and wondering if I should have done or said things differently. I really felt like I had a once in a lifetime connection with him and we could have made things work if he just gave me a little more time to open up to him again. Instead, he rather use that time swiping on Hinge, starting conversations with other girls, and going on first dates. Both of us could have communicated better, but he made me feel like I had one chance to redeem myself with him and I messed it up. I know it’s too late to go back, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m the one who messed up my chances with him. I wish I knew he wanted to meet up to talk about all those things. I can’t get over that I’m not worth giving a little more time. Was I in the wrong for wanting to take things slowly?
TLDR: I (26F) met up with a guy (28M) I dated exclusively for 3 months last summer after not seeing each other for 7 months. I had the intention of taking it slow and seeing if we still connect. He had the intention of getting straight to knowing my future life plans and feelings in detail, but also didn’t ask specific questions. He accused me of not knowing what I want because I didn’t go into detail. I told him I needed more time to open up to him again and he said his time is too valuable. I can’t get over that maybe I did ruin my chances with him. I can’t get over that I’m not even worth giving a little more time. Was I in the wrong for wanting to take things slowly?
1 comment
If he needed 3 month and you give him that, then certainly he can also give you a few days at least. It sounds a bit manipulative that he made you feel bad about it. Also if his time is really so valuable then wasting it on dating new people does not make sense to me – I am afraid he is just not that into you.