Hi All, me (20M) and my partner (20F) have been together for about a year and a half, and a lot of the time we spend together is really genuinely great, even to this day. When it first started, I asked her out and we began meeting in lockdown for walks outside. We would see each other several times a week and quite soon she started staying at my house almost every day, which I didn’t really mind at all. This went on for about 6 months and all was good in the relationship. Due to her car being out of use, I began living at her house instead (With her parents), this is something that she wanted at the time as she said she wouldn’t stay at my house anymore as it was too difficult to get to work, which I was mostly fine with, although it made it a lot more difficult for me to get to work since I don’t drive and meant my commute was more than double the time it took from my house, I didn’t mind because it made her life a lot easier and meant we could continue staying with each other. After living with her for a while, she began exhibiting some controlling behavior towards me, often dictating how I spend my time by getting angry or upset when I spend my time differently to how she wants me to. I know this sounds bad, but I don’t think she does this on purpose, she is just quite needy and thinks she has some attachment issues, which I can accept but it’s causing a lot of arguments recently.
Very often she won’t do anything but lie in bed in her free time despite me suggesting things to do, and so I will go downstairs to do something else and she will be upset that I don’t want to be with her. She becomes easily jealous when I spend too much time on my phone or watching/doing something and not paying ‘enough attention’ to her, and gets very argumentative whenever this happens, so I ends up just acting the way that she wants me to to avoid arguments. I will almost always cook for her or order her food as she won’t eat if I don’t, despite working a lot more hours in the day than her (not a competition but she doesn’t seem to consider this when I’m looking after her constantly). She often gets stomach aches or feels unwell and then I end up spending my evening doing everything for her, I recognize that this is selfish of me to complain about this but it can be truly exhausting.
She also frequently tells me that she’s not as attracted to me anymore and that sometimes she wishes I could provide for her better since I don’t earn a lot and I don’t have much money in savings compared to her, despite this I still pay for most things that we do together and the food that we eat. She also gets upset with me when I’m not in the mood to have sex leading to me sometimes just doing it because she wants it even if I’m not in the mood. She often (consciously or subconsciously) puts me down for my lack of money, the weight I have gained since us being together due to my depression, my main hobby (gaming, which I do sometimes to relax but she doesn’t like it) and other things, which often makes me feel inadequate and saddened that despite my best efforts, I’m not really enough. She often tells me that she wants me to go home so that she can have some alone time, but makes me feel guilty when I do leave without her. Despite me being completely fine with her having some alone time, she still does not seem to want me to have any alone time for me as she seems to see this as a bad thing, not wanting to spend my time with her. Despite her shortcomings, I still love her very much and we have a great time together when she isn’t being like this, but it’s becoming a lot more frequent that this is happening and I’m now recognizing that this relationship is negatively impacting my mental health and something needs to change. I have told her that I have been thinking about breaking up and she needs to be less controlling or I may break up with her, and she seems to have been much better the last couple days but I can already see some of her behavior slipping back in. I love her so much and don’t want to hurt her but I feel like this isn’t a healthy relationship and is only getting worse as time goes on. I find myself craving the individuality of being single again but I know I would miss her immensely if I did break up with her. I feel very conflicted about this.
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tl;dr: My gf is kinda controlling, should I stay with her?
1 comment
Yes. End it and save your sanity.