It is currently midnight, I’m waiting for my LSAT results, cannot sleep, and I have a rant stuck inside me:

For the love of god just ask him out. I cannot tell you how many times my friends have come to me asking why he hasn’t said anything yet. Women are not incapable of initiating, and anyone who says they shouldn’t needs to check their brain.

As a woman, I cannot recall the last time I regret saying something. There is a 90% chance he’ll flat out say yes, and if not he absolutely 100% will be appreciative. Every single guy I’ve ever talked to has said they would love a woman making the first move.

A confident woman is an attractive woman. Show what you want. Show you want him. Stop holding it in. Suck it up and send that text.

36 comments

  2. No thanks.

    Personally I find the risks to women outweigh the benefits when it comes to approaching first.

    But if it works for you then that’s great!

  3. Women are aware of their safety. This is not about being shy only, OP. Also allow me to say not every man wanna be with a woman who is not afraid to be on charge, lots of them run or stay freezing, others can say you are an easy woman aka not datable.

    Don’t generalize that much because doing that you are saying women who cannot or don’t wanna make the first move are not attractive or are not doing what that they should.

    We make moves but we tend to be subtle, which is something absolutely valid. Some do nothing, also valid.

  5. The problem with this advice is that the very few times a woman will come out of her comfort zone and risk rejection is with super hot guy who is way, way out of her league

    When this of course doesn’t go well, she erroneously concludes, “See? I knew it. Men don’t like it when women show interest first. That’s the reason I was rejected”

    Completely oblivious to the end

  6. I’ve found that men who have trouble making a move are not a good fit for me. I don’t have a problem asking them out, but I tend to regret it because they turn out to be low effort guys. A lot of men complain about this too. I’m starting to think there’s a real epidemic of entitlement and low effort.

  10. If a girl I don’t know reaches out to me online, I assume she wants to harvest my kidneys.

  11. Your have the *fuego*.

    You’re gonna make a killer lawyer.

    We’ll all be rooting for you along the way.

  12. In my case I was asked out.i was nervous. So I didn’t accept initially. I also learned she was talking to other people. And she explicitly mentioned out loud the was talking to older men. I didn’t think anyone else besides me should have been getting they’re hands on what I wanted and she was very much my type. When I worked up the nerve to ask she said she was with someone else

  13. I personally have never felt unsafe making the first move. I don’t think OP is necessarily saying to go up to total strangers and put it all out there, but to make romantic intentions known to a guy that you’ve been talking to and it seems like there might be a connection.

    The first night I met my now fiancee, who is on the more introverted side with new people, I asked him for his number. I’m so glad I did!

  14. The person making the first move is demonstrating they have interest in the other person. Which gives the person being asked out the upper hand, and more power in the relationship because they know the other person wanted them bad enough to risk rejection

  16. I want women to approach me. Beautiful women, with great legs,and a good personality. I don’t like the ones who actually seem interested in me. Because, if they approach me, I can obviously do better.

  20. About 5% of guys cold approach women. It’s less about confidence and more about shamelessness and being the loudest person in the room. So it’s always been kinda funny to me women seem to complain about dating the same kind of guy and it’s usually because it’s the same kind of guy who approaches all of them. Most of the rest of guys are looking for ‘the right moment’ which is hard to define and rarely comes unless the woman offers some kind of encouragement.

  23. I agree with the sentiment that women should be willing to show more initiative and less afraid to ask someone out. A lot of women, especially younger ones, tend to internalize rejection since society conditions us to wait to be approached, and that’s not good.

    I disagree with the sweeping generalizations of this post. There definitely isn’t a “90% chance he’ll flat out say yes” or any guarantee that he will “100% be appreciative”. That implies all men are so starved for affection and attention they’ll accept anything they can get, even someone who may put them in an awkward spot.

    The cadence of these “I’m a woman with a rant about how other women need to step up” posts is always the same.

  24. Totally agree. The risks of a guy approaching someone massively outweigh the risks of a woman approaching someone. A guy can be seen as a creep, weird, a pest, etc, but a girl will literally never be seen as such. Women have so much more leeway in not looking weird than men in dating, but they also never actually use said leeway. It’s mindboggling.

    Not to mention, it gives women more power in selecting someone that they like, instead of passively waiting for themselves to be approached. Why wouldn’t they want to be proactive in selecting someone, when there’s so many risks to them from random-ass men approaching them? The guys that cold-approach women all the time are usually the ones that are a bit… undesirable too?

  25. Yes. Yes. Yes! As a guy I couldn’t agree more. As a guy it’s nice when a women comes up to you and initiate the first move gives you that warm little fuzzy feeling inside because someone showed some interest. Sadly it only seems to come once every odd blue moon.

  27. Exactly! Time to upgrade to modern times! Let’s get out of the old fashioned way! Let’s get confident and ambitious. As a woman I also prefer to take the initiative and guys find it very sexy.

  28. Absolutely true! I’ve had this girl at Uni approach me and started talking to me. I didn’t know her before or more precisely I saw her a couple of times but I didn’t feel any attraction towards her (we have a common class but different majors).
    From the moment she did that she went from a 6 or 5 maybe to a 9 really quick. I don’t know how but girls/women it works.
    After the exam period I’m planning to ask her out and see what she says.

  29. I’ve always heard that women should be chased and men should be the ones chasing but I’m way too impatient for it lol. This is influencing me to ask my maybe crush out right now even though everyone told me not to so he could do it himself.

  30. I’ve asked men out. And been rejected….

    Guess what? THAT OK!!! If I didn’t ask I would never know. You can survive rejection. Men do it all the time. Are we not as strong as men?

  31. I regret putting myself out there all the time, being used for sex, manipulated, and treated like you’re an “in the meantime solution” until the girl they actually want can do that for you.

    Not saying I never out myself out there, but it’s not all roses and sunshine when you do

  32. Can confirm. Made first move with my (now) husband and he still proudly tells the story to others. 🙂

  33. I agree! I (25f) recently asked a guy (31m) out. He eagerly accepted. We had a great time and he referenced other dates. I texted FIRST the next morning saying ‘ thanks. I had a great time. Can’t wait to see you again!’ He said ‘yeah, I had a great time too’. Nothing for 7 days, then he texted but no mention of a date. He texted one random text a week later… that’s it . I still don’t regret asking him out first. It is what it is. It was a good time. I did, however, feel like he should’ve asked for the next date IF he was interested. Not trying to drag someone along 🙂

  34. Many women would prefer to remain single than date an unconfident man, and that’s fine.

    The ones that want to can, no need to worry over the ones that don’t.

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