I (23f) started talking to this guy (26f) on tinder last week. He initially said he was looking for someone to smoke š with on campus (we go to the same university).
We eventually planned to see each other this past friday night to smoke. He lives 30 mins from campus and I live on campus so he was going to come to me.
I tend to do this thing where I oversexualize myself and think the only things guys want from me is for sex so I really couldnāt tell if he was coming over to just smoke and hang out or to āchillā.
When he got to mine we went out and smoked in his car, talked for a while and then eventually I asked if he wanted to come to my room. When we got inside we were just talking for a bit while he was sitting on my bed. I didnāt know if he was going to make a move, so I did and asked if I could kiss him. He said yes, we made out and then of course did the deed. He mentioned right before we were about to do it that he didnāt expect for this to happen tonight and apologized because he didnāt shave (i couldnāt care less). He finished quickly and couldnāt stop apologizing. He obviously felt embarrassed but I reassured him it was fine and I still enjoyed myself.
Before he left he gave me one of his rolled jās and said it was a gift for how bad he was in bed (he honestly wasnāt but clearly he got it in his head). He also mentioned that even though he has on his tinder bio that heās looking for a smoking buddy, heās open to just about anything and that if I ever wanted to hang out with him heād like it, he also mentioned we didnāt have to hang out for sex.
He said he has a long break on mondays and we should hang out then but then retracted that and said he has an exam wednesday so heāll mostly likely be busy until then but heāll text me (he didnāt specify when heād text me so thatās why iām on the fence on whether i should).
He left my place and texted me when he got to his car and again apologized for his performance but said he really enjoyed himself and also had a lot of fun talking to me. I told him I had a lot of fun too and to not worry and to text me. He hearted my message and replied back with āfor sure!ā.
Itās now sunday night and I havenāt heard from him since then on friday night. Is he into me or do you think heās no longer interested? Maybe heās still embarrassed and thinks i donāt want to see him? Should i text him tonight, or wait another day when heās on campus? Or should i wait for him to text me? If i do text him what should i say?
For reference I have BPD so i have extreme relationship anxiety.
TLDR: i met this guy on tinder and i havenāt heard from him since we hung out. should i text him?
3 comments
>think the only things guys want from me is for sex
You’re just subtly off in this statement. Yes, more or less any guy who starts giving you attention is hoping for it to happen. That said, more often than not, they want more than that. Sex is the door into entertaining marriage or permanent “fwb zone.” The fwb relationship for men is what the friendzone is for women.
>Is he into me or do you think heās no longer interested?
Believe in him.
>Maybe heās still embarrassed and thinks i donāt want to see him?
Given his desire to repeatedly apologize, i do believe he was embarrassed, and that there is reason to believe he might hesitate.
> Should i text him tonight, or wait another day when heās on campus?
The superbowl is on, he’s probably watching that right now. But I’d give him a text telling him that you can’t wait to see him again or something to that effect.
Overall, you just need to show some confidence to inspire in him a confidence to believe in you.
The experience of bad performance (even if it’s just his perspective) has gotten him too embarassed.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
If you like the guy, message him. But, if he acts too hard to get, look for the next.
He is no doubt greatly embarrassed about his performance. He might not reach out to YOU because of that. Self-esteem is a powerful deterrent.
I would absolutely text him if you’re interested in him, and make ZERO MENTION of the performance – just say you had a good time and ask if he’d be up for getting together again.