So basically over the weekend me and a close friend of mine of nearly 10 years got drunk and apparently had sex 48 hours ago. We went out drinking to a few bars. We went back to his and I was really drunk. I fell asleep and I do not remember any of this apart from finding my trousers on the floor. I asked him, he said we did and I started it. But I don’t know remember any of this at all. He said I was aware of what was going on. I’m so confused and devastated that this happened. This is a life lesson for me to never get like this again. I’m not accusing him or anything but I feel I was not fully aware of what was going on. I was so drunk and just remember picking up my trousers and feeling confused. I will accept we did it but I just fully cannot remember the event at all. I’m just wary of him now. This has been on my mind and I feel quite shit about this and how this happened. I would never do this with him or see him like that ever. I feel so dirty and embarrassed that I did this with him. I tried to speak to him about it just wanting help to jog my memory and he just angry and started being nasty to me.
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Some people are dead drunk, but appear mostly lucid. I have once escorted friend to his home after a party. He appeared to be mostly fine we have been talking and all. Next day he had barely any recollection of all of this.
I suppose your friend thought you were in a lucid state of mind while you were anything, but that. I guess he feels angry, you know if he was lucid and you were not, then his actions were highly inappropriate.
Who knows he might be also dissapointed that he was happy about you doing this together, you specifically initiating. Now he learns it wasn’t really “you”.
The thing is I don’t remember any of it. That’s why I was asking him questions about it and then he got really angry about it. All I remember was picking my trousers up and was confused to what happened.
There is also the chance a lie and Rohypnol (or similar drug) was used. If he felt he couldn’t have sex with you consenting.
You know him better than us.
This is kinda gross and a similar situation to me(vaguely) how drunk was he during this? Why would you have sex for the first time if you’re both drunk anyway? Its so strange that people will do things like this. If it’s your first time having sex with someone and you’re both drunk its not ethical.
The fact he got angry at you for asking questions about what happened is a massive red flag to me.
At best, he should have known better than to have had sex with someone who was so drunk. At worst, he’s lying and he knew you weren’t lucid when it happened, or you weren’t (or were barely) conscious.
Personally, I wouldn’t risk drinking around him again. There’s no way for you to know for sure what actually happened, so best thing to do is to make sure it can never happen again.
Whether you believe him or not is up to you, you know him better than Reddit does, but I sure as shit wouldn’t be drinking with the guy again if it was me.
You’re being totally rational about this. But you have to remember that just an accusation of anything inappropriate absolutely destroys people’s lives. He’s probably worried that he’ll be accused of rape. I would just be very clear to him that you don’t believe you did anything wrong and you’d just like to talk about the situation. Drugs and alcohol are bad.
tricky situation, his anger might be if he thought you were lucid and wanted it he might have been happy thinking you wanted him, only to find out in the morning you don’t remember, you don’t want him, and now there is this grey area of him being a potential rapist and list his friend.
thats one hell if a hangover.
or he is a bad man that took advantage of you and is being nasty trying to shut you down.
you don’t know how you were when you were drunk. you need to think about him as a person and what you think he is capable of. what your gut tells you and go from there.
Go to a hospital and get tested for drugs immediately. There’s a 72 hour window to test for rohypnal if you were drugged
Also get an STD test in two weeks
You may have been drugged. Drinking can make you not remember the night, sure, but it is still a possibility.’
Either way, considering how he’s acting now, I would avoid him. Be on the lookout for signs he’s stalking you, you don’t know what he’s capable of, and rejection may make him decide to escalate.
I’m a bit scared to get tested at the hospital, that’s where I work too
You have every right to be wary. If he was a good friend he would have watched out for you while drinking and not had sex with someone too drunk to consent. The fact that he is now acting angry to any inquiry on your part is likely defensiveness because he knows he’s a sexual predator who took advantage of a drunk friend.
I’m not going to tell you to report him because I understand you haven’t even processed what happened and it’s a lot when your key memories aren’t there yet. But I encourage you to speak to a counselor as soon as possible and not to sweep this under the rug as a non-event. It very much is a traumatic experience and a violation. I hope you get help, you deserve it.
Run. He is not a friend and drunk ppl can’t consent. No “you came on to me”, “you seemed lucid”, etc etc is gonna hold up on court. it is rape. Please avoid this person and get some counseling to help you navigate the feelings. He will gaslight you cause what y’all did would get him in trouble, so he is using DARVO tactics – Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
I had something very similar happen to me. I specifically did not want to hook up with this guy friend, we went out drinking and I remember taking a shot (from some random chick, should not have done that without seeing where it came from), then nothing until 12 hours later when I woke up in his bed. It is really upsetting and scary, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d suggest getting tested, and maybe even potentially reporting this guy. However, if you don’t report, there is no shame in that. I ended up not reporting. No matter what, be kind to yourself. What happened wasn’t okay, and you’re allowed to call it whatever you want. I consider mine an assault.