My spouse and I have been together for 12 years. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with. We’ve been thru a lot of shit together, our relationship has been somewhat toxic/ unhealthy at times. We’ve been in marriage counseling and overall we are communicating better. But I cannot get myself to enjoy sex or any physical touch from him. I try to avoid any physical affection from him because I don’t enjoy it. If we do have sex it’s just to get him to stop complaining about how we haven’t had sex for a while.
Has anyone ever experienced this or been able to get thru this? If I talk to him about this he will just immediately get mad and accuse me that I hate him.
TL;DR
SO and I have had rocky relationship but for the most part have started communicating better. However I really hate having sex with him nor do I enjoy any physical affection from him. Can this be overcome?
3 comments
Can I ask why you want to stay with someone who makes you recoil at his touch?
> If I talk to him about this he will just immediately get mad and accuse me that I hate him
This is not healthy and has not been healthy.
Your lack of interest in him is not the problem itself, it’s a symptom of a bigger problem – your relationship is functionally over and you’re unwilling to do anything about it.
If you feel emotionally like you can’t leave, solo therapy may help you. If you feel financially like you can’t leave, you need a lawyer. You will be getting child support and likely spousal support. You *both* deserve the chance to find someone more suitable, and your kids deserve to know that they can demand a relationship with love in it.
That sounds like a trauma response. I’m guessing the previous/current toxicity has permanently destroyed the relationship. When you associate somebody with pain and/or danger, then it’s normal to react badly to being close to them.