I think I am finally able to leave my relationship. I am relieved and scared at the same time.

I (18F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for almost 4 years. We sorta had problems from the start but we were and still are young and we tried to learn from them. From my point of view, he hurt me alot. He lied to me about talking to another girl, he watched adult movies alot and i caught him a few times even though I told him from the start that I don’t feel comfortable with them, he was mean towards me everytime he was angry and would often take all his anger on me everytime something would upsed him. I was never one to let it slide, so whenever he did stuff like that, I always fought back because I hated the way he treated me, and in the end he would always blame me for everything. I slowly lost all my respect for him and for an year and a half now I tried to break up with him many, many times. Each time he didn’t let me do it. I once broke up with on text and he called all my family to tell me not to do it. Other time he came by my house and almost knocked the front door open. When I tried to physically break up with him, he took me by my hands and threw me on the bed where he held me there so I can’t move, telling me that this is stupid and couples often fight. Well, a few minutes before he called me a reckless b–ch, a s–t and told me that I deserve to be b–ten up and c—ted on.

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We had some fights this week because he lied to me about him talking to one of his friends. We have eachother’s social media so i saw the conversation but he deleted some texts about meeting at a certain location that I haven’t heard about. Today we spent time with his family and i confronted him about it and he denied to the point where he called me crazy. After I left, he texted me saying that he actually deleted the texts because his friend’s girlfriend is reading the boy’s messages and he didn’t want her to know about the meeting. He lied to me in the face and I had the feeling that he was lying to me again. The thing is, I spent the entire relationship trying to tell make him understand that certain behaviours of his really, really hurt my feelings. I hate that he lies, that he’s always mad and angry, that he always gives me a hard time and everytime he told me he would change but of course he didn’t. And I know he would not change, but I felt like I was held captive. Either way, when I got back home I blocked him on everything. It hurts deeply, and i’m here to take this feeling off my chest. I don’t know what will I do next, but I feel relieved. Everytime I try to communicate with him it feels useless. Am I doing the right thing? I am scared that he might pull a crazy one on this.

tl;dr: my(18F) boyfriend (20M) made me feel so bad our entire relationship so today I blocked him on everything and I don’t consider talking to him again. I tried to break with him before, but he never physically let me do it. Literally.