Me 18M and my gf 18F were making out and we were about to have sex. Then she suddenly stopped and said she didn’t want to ruin me. Then she said that she knows I am Catholic so I have never had sex before. She has had sex before and said she regrets it, and doesn’t want to have sex with me because I will regret it and it will ruin me. What does this even mean? Any advice?
9 comments
It sounds to me like she is respecting your religion, or using your religion as an excuse not to have sex. Only she knows.
It means exactly what she said. Premarital sex is forbidden by your faith and she respects you and your faith enough not to want to harm you.
She was letting lust get the better of her and stopped. After the first time you have sex, most people find it like an addiction and they want it again and again.
She is a great person for doing that, she put your interests before her own.
That does unfortunately leave you both in a sexually frustrating situation. You and she might want to sit down and have a serious discussion about what activities you and she might be comfortable with that do not exceed your level of comfort and commitment to your faith. Preferable when you and she are not horny.
It sounds like she’s still processing religious guilt. Be that as it may, she says she doesn’t want sex then you have to respect that. You’ll have to decide what you want in your relationship. Sexual incompatibility breaks many couples up. No one is the bad guy here. It just is what it is.
You can tell her you don’t follow the belief that having sex ruins people and then probably ask if she follows that belief herself.
She is respecting your religion and trying to keep you from regretting something, she even has regrets as you said. Sex is something you never really want to rush into. I know it is super exciting and fun but is it worth the emotional baggage that comes with it. If you and your girlfriend are really serious that is one thing but if it is just a casual fling its best to wait.
This is coming from a guy who waited until I was married to have sex, which is one of the best decisions I believe I could have made.
There’s always confession. Just saying.
Or she’s cheating on him and doesn’t want to be fucking 2 men at the same time.
It could be she is not ready and just blame shifting over to you. Growing up, the big thing was to have sex with a Virgin. I had sex before marriage but never a virgin because I didn’t want to steal that from her. The only virgin was my first wife.
So she could be over thinking it. Just tell her you are ready and you choose her to loose that to.
Good luck
18 is very young to become sexually active IMHO. Few 18 year olds are mature enough to raise and support children, which is genetically what sex is designed to produce.
Our genetic heritage makes is highly attractive and fun, but this fun is not for free. Emotional attachment and babies are the logical results. Religion effectively tries to codify what is basically good advice (don’t have sex without a financial attachment of the man to the woman to support the baby ‘marriage’ and calls it ‘sin’ because that is their catch all for bad/anti social behavior). In this case if you are ready for a family, go for it.
I’m not religious, but if both parties are not ready for the possible consequences, her instincts are correct. Is she on BC?