I (23m) my Girlfriend (24F) are constantly arguing and it is mentally taking its tole to the point I’m considering a break up. I love this woman and she has helped me a lot but I don’t know how we can fix the faults in our relationship?

Me (23M) my girlfriend (24F) are having a lot of arguments after being in a relationship for a year and a half.

I’m going to start off this by saying my overarching feeling towards her are both love and annoyance. She has been there for me and helped me seek help for my mental health disorders and made me a better person than when I was when I first met her. In that time has had to put up with a lot in terms of my mental breakdowns and stress through college.

Because of this I am very attached to her (for obvious reasons) however lately things just don’t seem to be working between us and we always seem to be at each others throats. If we argue it is usually in a bedroom for privacy reasons (live in shared housing) however when things get heated and I need to leave the room my GF will put her body between the door and myself and try to provoke a reaction out of me by getting in my face and accuse me of being the aggressive one. For this reason I have begun to shy away from these sorts of confrontation as I no longer feel safe being trapped in a room by my partner which she interprets as me not caring about sorting discussions out.

In addition to this our sex life has diminished to less than once every two weeks and even when it does occur it seems laboured and my GF seems a lot less into it than previously. To add, from my point of view is that she can be quick to make rude comments or have an attitude me which I used to call out but have since just accepted and remained quiet as honestly it is too mentally draining to argue about things. The last thing I will add before explaining my flaws is that when it comes to her giving me choices on things I feel I have no choice and there is indeed a ‘right answer’. For example if I don’t do the thing she wants to do she will simply pack up her things and go to her house and not want to see me for the day (we live separately). You maybe thinking this is due to my lack of willingness to be with her but it is not, this week I was told she didn’t want to see me because I didn’t walk back and forth between my house and hers (10 min walk each way) for her to pick up stuff for the night as she was staying at mine. I asked if she needed help carrying and she said no and I asked if she minded and she said no and then as she left she said she was staying at hers instead as she couldn’t be bothered with me.

Now onto my flaws and what I understand is her point of view. She has a very strong work ethic as she is the type of person to say yes to anything in order to add to her CV. She’s the type of person who can’t relax and has to be busy. I on the other hand am not as driven to the extent she is (I’m by no means lazy but depression and anxiety play a part in my ability to get work done) and I believe she views me as lazy but capable of achieving, which I think infuriates her more. In addition to this my communication is not the best I will admit I am much better articulating over writing than I am verbally whereas she is not opposite meaning sometimes I’m unable to say everything I want to or unable to speak at all during arguments.

Lastly my GF has become irritated with the amount of time I spend on my phone which I’m working on to minimise as she’s made some valid points about my screen time. I sell/buy things online which is the main reason I spend a considerable amount of time and I tend to watch YouTube in bed when I know she’s going to sleep as it helps to relax me. She believes I have something to hide on my phone which I categorically do not and have said she’s welcome to go through my phone to put her mind at ease however she always refuses. In addition regarding the YouTube in bed she felt she had to go to sleep and couldn’t talk to me about her problems and have since change this and dedicate time to cuddling and asking her how she feels and if there’s anything on her mind overnight until she tells me she wants to sleep. Even having this change she still complains it isn’t enough although I thought this would help.

Basically people of Reddit these are our issues and they seem to be recurring. I am becoming mentally drained through the constant arguing and am pulling away from the relationship but I still love this woman and I hope it can work.

Any suggestions on how we can work this out or is this relationship not built to last? any thoughts and feelings would be greatly appreciated.