My partner and I have been dating for 10 months now. However we’ve known each other for over 10 years. Recently he’s confided several kinks he has to me and I’m struggling to understand the appeal in one.
I am immensely grateful and happy and honored that he trusts me enough to confide in me and I think I’ve done a fairly decent job of remaining objective and supportive while still trying to understand and wrap my head around it all.
He’s into specific porn and pegging, which I can make sense of. It goes together and I can clearly see the correlation, desire and attraction between the two.
What I’m struggling with is his inclination to wear women’s underwear/lingerie/ bras, ect. He says he likes it because women are sexier to him than men and the garments themselves feel sexier than men’s.
I’m struggling so hard to make sense of this. I do not want to make him feel unsupported or judged or “weird” – his term, not mine, but I cannot seem to bring myself to a place of understanding here.
My own sexual history is fairly vanilla. I’ve had 30+ partners but the sex has always been pretty tame.
How do you handle kinks in a nonjudgement, supportive way when you’re unsure of how you feel?
4 comments
If this is something you just learned, give yourself some time to process the information. You don’t need to immediately know how you feel about it.
To be fair, women’s underwear is often more silky, where men’s is mostly utilitarian, so just it could be simply that it feels better.
Our culture hypersexualizes women’s lingerie and clothing. And many of say the same the thing – that silk just feels sexier.
I’m guessing there’s dome of the forbidden fruit to it too.
You might ask him if he enjoys the idea of a woman dominating him and if pegging and the clothing is a “sissification” kink. There’s an entire community.
If so, talk to him about erotic humiliation. It might be the core of his kink.
Hope this helps.
Try to find a happy medium
He’s not gay. If you’re worried or wondering… he’s not. He’s probably a submissive.
My wife had a strapon up my ass after the 2nd date. She took control from the beginning, and I was okay with that. She’s extremely smart and has 2 Masters degrees. Great career.
I started cross dressing in my 40s, while my wife and I were dating. I tried on a pair of her panties and surprised her when she got home from work. She wasn’t impressed and told me to take them off immediately. A few months goes by and she’s dropped a few suggestive comments about silky panties on man butts. (she’s slow to warm up to new stuff and doesn’t like surprises – I know that now – I didn’t know that when we had only been dating 6 months). She left clothes at my house all the time, so I would sort by color and toss them in with mine. No big deal. I came across another set of her panties, this time they were purple and silky. She had made some comments….. what the hell… I squeezed into them… snapped a torso selfie… and sent her a txt.
That’s all it took. She went nuts. She took me shopping the next weekend. We secretly shopped for lingerie and a nightie for me. She picked out shoes (that 1st pair would later become known as my “stripper pumps”) We’ve been married 8yrs. She’s still buying clothes for me and bigger dildos for her harness.
Good luck!