Hey reddit. I’ve been avoiding people for a whole 2 months and a half. It’s not due to any depression or insecurities, I just realized I’m less stressed and overloaded without people around.
But that’s unhealthy. It makes me lonely, but I also dislike being around people. Caring about other people genuinely feels like a pain in the ass. My empathy goes nowhere and I don’t want to care.
Does that make me a bad person? Should I work on myself? How can I be more of a people person?
9 comments
if it makes you happy it doesn’t matter. but there’s a chance the loneliness you mentioned will get worse with age. there is nothing morally wrong with being an introvert, you just might need to learn how to be closer to people for your own sake, if needed.
Don’t try to be what you’re not. Stop labeling everything as good or bad and just follow your heart and do what makes you happy. The world needs non people persons too.
I want to ask a question. In your mind if there is no uncomfortable ness and you are happy is it worth it to feel that loneliness you mentioned?
Regardless of whether it’s healthy, if you are happy unconditionally and comfortable with where your choices will leave you at the present moment, then you can continue to be a recluse. If at any point in the future you change your mind and feel the loneliness is too much, then you can decide to try to make friends. However the longer you leave this the harder it will be to make friends in the future.
It’s all about picking and choosing.
Do you want to bare the uncomfortable ness of being stressed and overloaded and having to care about other people so you don’t feel lonely? Or is it more worth it to continue being a recluse, while it may be unhealthy as your brain craves other people sometimes, it makes you feel what you believe to be true “happiness”.
This does not make you a bad person at all.
If you do feel a desire to have companionship or friends , then it’s possible you will need to do some working on your own social abilities, and I can recommend some youtube channels if you ever begin feeling that way.
Recommendations: Ana Psychology, HealthyGamerGG, Dan Koe
Don’t worry. I am in the same boat. I have developed a very thin tolerance level for everything.
I don’t think it makes you a bad person. I think that we all desire some sort of interaction but everyone has their own personal tolerance to it.
Did something specific happen to make you feel stressed around people?
It definitely doesn’t make you a bad person, but if *you* think it’s unhealthy it’s probably worth analysing why you feel that way.
I think it’s more likely that you dislike being around *specific people/kinds of people* rather than people in general, but I don’t want to put words in your mouth.
Find your kind of people, people that don’t drain you. Or hang out with people twice a week. Don’t cut off completely.
> It makes me lonely, but I also dislike being around people.
> I’m happier but I think that’s harmful. Advice?
When people make posts like these, they seem to be looking for someone to argue with, such that it enables them to affirm to themselves “I don’t need people because for every single reason anyone else gives me, I can come up with a reason why I’m better off alone.”
You answered your own question and all I’m doing is elaborating on it. Being alone makes you less stressed and happier **in the short term**, and it comes at the cost of feeling lonely. You’re probably wondering if that loneliness will persist. You might also be wondering if it will get worse. So to both of those, the answer is usually “yes”. Some people are able to mentally wall themselves off from feeling negative emotions by engaging in escapism, usually through substance abuse or bingeing entertainment.
“Does it make you a bad person” — I mean, if you want to dive into the complexities of society and the consequences of each individual’s actions on other people, sure. It means one more person is walled off and unwilling to participate, which technically makes society worse on a grand scale.
“Should you work on yourself” — Sure, if you want social ties and relationships over the long-term of your life, and the social rewards those things bring.
“How can you be more of a people person” — read about what introversion *actually* is. Don’t overextend yourself. Don’t force yourself to like people your gut says you don’t like. Etc.
I feel the same way. Can we please normalize being introvert