My GF(22) and I(22) have been dating for 3yrs and have been seriously been considering getting married. I have no problem proposing, and I have long envisioned myself marrying her and starting a family with her, but I have the following doubts…
She has many mental illnesses and when we fight, she often becomes suicidal, her personality will split(MPD), and she will want to break up with me.
I love her a ton and she loves me, and we both want to get married, but this scares me. I don’t want to chain myself to someone who may kill themselves after a fight or who will want to break up with me every time we fight.
You could never tell in meeting her that she is suicidal. She is warm and kind. She is like more hard working than 99% of the population, and she’s a real sweetheart at her best. I really admire her for her strength, and our connection is very strong.
The love is there, but I’m afraid that her mental illnesses may cause havoc in our marriage. We have been able to fight through it while dating, but I’m scared it could get worse.
I brought up my doubts to her and she got very upset. She said that I should want to marry her and love her as she is. I certainly do love her, but ideally I would like to have confidence that I won’t be chained to a miserable woman and that my future wife won’t khs if we have a rough patch.
Any advice or insights is appreciated.
7 comments
I love that you support your girlfriend. However you’re right to think ahead to the future.
Would you be more comfortable if she received mental health help for her issues? Going into a marriage when there are known problems and those problems are not being handled is a recipe for resentment within the marriage, or worse.
Sit her down and have a calm, caring chat about the future. Tell her what you’ve told us and ask if she’s open to receiving help.
Also, you’re 22, if she doesn’t want to get help right away, you can wait a few years before proposing, to make sure your relationship is rock solid.
Good luck.
You should propose that she go to therapy.
If your girlfriend in therapy or medicated? The only thing that helps me genuinely with my mental health issues is being steady on my medication.
Not to mention what kind of mother she would make.
Don’t propose. See that she is getting mental health treatment. Maybe she will stabilize, in which case, yeah maybe. But if she remains this troubled, don’t marry her.
My mom was the same way but it wasn’t super apparent until she had me. I’m glad I’m here but my dad ended up being miserable for a long time and she just passed away from alcoholism a month ago. It only took 35 years (my age). It’s a rough road and if she’s not able to see the issue, there’s not a lot of hope.
Don’t propose. What’s the rush? She needs to work on herself and you both need to work on your relationship. Couples therapy helped me to be able to say things that I didn’t say before.
No, you’re both far too young and it’s not going yo fix anything.