I (20F) and my fwb (22M) are just starting to get into sex. the only problem is that he is my first as of a week ago and he was expressing frustration with the condom, which I understand bc it was a little difficult to work with. I guess he’s not used to using a condom (though was very happy to use one when I asked) so he has a harder time getting hard, which makes it difficult to do stuff sometimes. I’ve been on birth control before for menstrual issues, but I’m currently not on it. I’m thinking about starting back on it, but the complications of having to work around my parent’s insurance and pay out of pocket is not ideal as a college student. does anyone have any advice? he’s very respectful and will continue to wear a condom until I say I’m okay with him not wearing it, but I want him to be comfortable too. are condoms or birth control more effective in avoiding pregnancy? any alternatives?
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There are many forms of birth control, but I’m assuming you mean pills. With perfect use, I think hormonal birth control pills have higher efficacy of preventing pregnancy than perfect use with male condoms. HOWEVER. Given that you are in a FWB situation, remember that birth control pills will only protect (both of) you from pregnancy, not STIs. IMHO, using both pills for you, and condoms for him will give both of you protection from pregnancy and STIs. He may want to try different brands and sizes as I recently learned that most folks with penises are using ill fitting condoms, which undercuts their efficacy for both preventing pregnancy and spreading STIs.
1. Condoms are for two reasons, birth control and disease prevention. Yeah, you trust him, but s*t happens.
2. Discuss an IUD with your gynecologist. It’s a little more expensive up front, but lasts a long time, and can be removed any time you want. You can’t forget to take a pill, it doesn’t break, no one can “stealth” remove it.
3. Three things about condoms:
1. Practice makes perfect. Why don’t YOU learn to put it on him, and try to figure out how to do it in a stimulating way.
2. Use a bit of lube with the condom.
3. Condoms come in different sizes, and he might have less trouble with one that fits better. [https://www.onecondoms.com/pages/myone](https://www.onecondoms.com/pages/myone) is one place to look.
Im not sure if this could be the issue, but he needs to get hard before putting the condom on, if he’s trying to put it on without having a full erection it would be nearly impossible to put a condom.