Hello there!
English is not my first language so sorry about any issues in that regard, I’m also typing on my phone so I apologize for any formatting problems.
I (f22) have never been very fond of my mom (f46), I feel as though she’s never seen me as a full person. She has never been affectionate, and if you ask her anything about me she probably wouldn’t be able to answer. She also constantly reminds me how she puts a roof over my head and feeds me although I do work and try to help with the household expenses myself. Most of the time I spend all day outside the house if I can so that I don’t have to see her.
When I was younger, I always aspired to leave my home country. This was also the sole reason why I went to university so that I could get a student visa for my MA or PhD. However, by the time I graduated from undergrad school, our economy went to shit and I single handedly cannot pay for moving and application expenses, therefore, I decided not to move. My mom is very upset and she says she’d pay for it but I don’t want her to because I know my success will always be overshadowed by her “help” if you will. I know if I accept her help, whatever disagreement comes up in the future will be “resolved” with a “I paid for this and that and now you are disobeying me!!”
I have been holding off studying master’s at my home country as well because I honestly do not have the mental strength to do it right now. I think it’s fair to mention I suffer from mental health issues like bipolar and I’m medicated for it as well, a lot of times I feel su*cidal but I try to control myself with the help my therapist, or simply living life the way it feels most comfortable to me at the moment.
I work as a tattoo apprentice rn and my mom is extremely unhappy about that as well. She is very condescending and keeps telling me I am just an illiterate b*tch who works at a “beauty salon” and that it shouldn’t go on like this. She keeps telling me I should study my master’s and PhD as well although I really don’t see why when I have no interest in working in that field.
So About two months ago, I started dating someone (m28). We are exclusive but it’s not that serious to me, I am not really planning on getting married or anything and he certainly is not the reason I am not moving away. I made the decision long before I met him.
However, today I learned that she’s texted him over instagram, and this was their first interaction ever! firstly, begged him not to tell me she did, and secondly, told him he is the reason why I’ve strayed from my “long term goals”. I can’t directly confront her because my bf practically begged me not to tell her he told me so that it would breach her trust in him. I find this very insulting and intrusive though. More that anything I am upset she sat down and came to the conclusion that THAT is the reason why I’m not moving instead of talking to me first, and also I’m upset she didn’t ask me first and thinks she’s a smartass for doing it secretly. This isn’t the first time she’s found someone I know off of my social media and texted them to convince me to do something.
How should I confront her without causing any issues between the three of us?
Tl;dr: my mom is upset I don’t want to move abroad anymore. She, all by herself, decided that it’s because of my new bf and confronted him without asking me first.
1 comment
Boundaries boundaries boundaries.