Bare with me this is a lot. So me (30f) and him (38m) have been together for about 9 years. For anyone looking in, they would think we have a great relationship. He’s smart, funny, basically worships the ground I walk on. He does anything I ask. We always have a good flow of communication. He’s been with me when I was kicked out of school, he knows my mood swings and bullshit my parents throw my way. He’s a great man over all.
Here is where it turns sour. He is clingy as in constantly affectionate. I have no problems returning affection in previous relationships, just with him. Whenever he tries to kiss me, I get disgusted.
I live alone and he stays with me on the weekends so I relish the time I’m without him.
He always makes comments about how I’m the reason for his happiness but honestly I’m not happy. I feel like he loves me while I feel nothing. I love him but not in love with him.
9 years is a long time to be dating someone. But we met when we were both in school and lived with our respective parents. We got established careers about 3-5 years ago and make good money. As for engagement, we spoke about getting married but he’s the type of person where if you don’t tell him what to do he will go on his merry way. And I will not tell a man to marry me. If he wants to he will.
Im not sure what to do. I know if I end it he will be a miserable mess because he told me last time we separated he almost got fired because he couldn’t concentrate.
TLDR: 9 year relationship is driving me mad. He thinks it’s going great and I’m hating it.
3 comments
>I know if I end it he will be a miserable mess because he told me last time we separated he almost got fired because he couldn’t concentrate.
If this were a +/- column exercise, there are literally like a dozen reasons here why you should break up with him. And in the – column there’s… he’ll be sad for a while.
Are you willing to throw away your entire life because he might lose a job? The fuck?
This relationship is a dead end. It’s over. You are doing him (and you!) no favors by wasting his time on someone who gets disgusted kissing him and counts down the seconds until he leaves for his own place. Yeah, he’ll be sad, but he’ll recover. Eventually. But he can’t start that process until you actually dump him.
So no, breaking up with him does not make you an asshole. Wasting his time is the bigger asshole move.
> honestly I’m not happy
> not in love with him
> 9 years is a long time to be dating someone
> As for engagement, we spoke about getting married but he’s the type of person where if you don’t tell him what to do he will go on his merry way
Some women would ask the man to marry her. You’re not one of those, I gather.
He’s sounding like your first. Always hard to let go of the first.
Maybe take a break for few months afterwards before dating.
You’re trying to break up and still be the “good guy”. You are not technically ever going to be the “good guy” to one looking from the outside, because of his fawning dedication. You’re just not attracted, so be the “bad guy” and break it off. It is only a point of diminishing returns for you. He’ll be crushed; but if you stay you will only resent him more and more.