I’ve (27M) had a crush on a (26F) female friend, we’ll call Erin, for 5 years since the day I met her. We are part of the same friend group of 14 or 15 people. Erin and I’s friendship has always been flirty, but for the first few years we only saw or talked to eachother during the occasional group hangout. While I wanted to ask her out, I didn’t consider myself good enough for her. I also knew she had a thing for one of my good friends(Sam), but he made it clear multiple times that he wasn’t interested in Erin and knew I had a crush on her.
Fast forward to last year. Erin and I started texting occasionally and even went out a few times alone together (no, these weren’t dates, atleast in my mind). However, my feelings for her were growing rapidly. She started taking an interest in my life and and the flirting continued. Our entire friend group noticed this and said I should ask her out. So, one night when Erin and I had a few minutes alone, I asked her out. She declined as she “didn’t want to upset the dynamic of the group”. It hurt, a lot. I put on a smile, said ok, and went home. Things got awkward for a while.
For the next 6-8 months, we didn’t really talk at all. She stopped texting me, and basically avoided anything group related hangout that I was involved in. Ouch.
Last weekend, a secret got out that my good friend Sam and Erin actually had sex one night about a month before I asked her out. Apparently, everyone in our friend group knew this happened, except me. I was devastated. I have known Sam for 20 years. How could he do that to me? Why would the whole friend group keep it from me? I left the party after hearing and haven’t talked to any of the group since.
Don’t get me wrong, Erin doesn’t owe me anything. She is obviously free to do whatever she likes.
However, I feel it is a bit shady of my friend Sam to hookup with her when he knew I had feelings for her. I’m also mad at the group as a whole when everyone knew I had feelings for her, told me to ask her out, and then kept this secret from me.
What should I do?
2 comments
You sound like you need new friends and that you are too good for them all anyway! Do you and date yourself. You will be much happier and actually get to learn more about yourself along the way. You might just find the girl of your dreams as you embark on your own journey of self empowerment and singularity! I hope you meet better people to spend your time with! Have a good weekend!
First of all, armchair cupids know nothing. Let’s make that clear. Those idiots told you to ask Erin out only to get shot down, they know fuck all.
Second, Sam is not your friend. He chose to get his dick wet over, keeping your friendship. If he wanted to hook up with Erin, he should have at least given you a heads up.
But thirdly, 5 year crush is a waste of 5 years of your life. That’s half a decade you could have spent with a GF that actually likes you.
The fall out of all of this is a gift. It will help you move on with your life.