Background: we matched on tinder January 2022 and become official in August.
He moves a lot slower in relationships thank I do (I thought we were official long before we became offical) and it gives me anxiety sometimes that I’m rushing him.
A month or so ago, I casually slipped “I love you” in the middle of a text to test the waters but didn’t get acknowledgement on it. Tried again a few days later after a friend suggested that it might have been overlooked- this time ending a text with “I love you.” Still nothing.
He was high one night and texted me “love you. Get some rest.” But I can’t trust that he meant that because he was high so maybe it just slipped. I said I love you too.
I’ve slipped it in to texts here and there and don’t get a response to it. However, he’ll say things like “I adore you”. Which is like, the same thing but not? You know?
Anyway, I slipped it in again because he’s been really kind with me today (I’ve been emotional all day). I told him “I love you, I miss you, I hope you sleep well” and he just said “good night sweet dreams” back.
Now, I did something kind of uncool and texted back “night.” To which that got “love you too” in response.
I’m worried that maybe I’m forcing it on him. But it also feels like he’ll say anything but “I love you.” But it could just be that he uses “I adore you” in place of “I love you” and I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
Does this sound like I’m being pushy and he’s not ready for that or am I making a fuss? How do I communicate this to him? I don’t want him to say I love you just because it’s what I want to hear.
2 comments
My perspective is different from yours. Although yours is probably how most people feel. I give love freely. And giving love means expecting nothing in return. My love for someone is not contingent on them loving me. It’s like a gift to be given to whoever I choose for any reason I want, including sometimes none at all.
He may not say that he loves you as much as you want but if he shows you he does in his own way, then chill out and enjoy that. We all love differently. Don’t overthink it.
I do think that you might be a little pushy/forceful here.
People fall in love at different rates, and not everyone is comfortable in expressing how they feel.
So it’s all well & good that you have worked it out and are comfortable in expressing it, but he might just not be there yet. And you continually saying it is adding more pressure on him which might actually be making it harder for him to get there & be able to say it.
There are also people who don’t freely go around using the word “love”, they prefer to show it in other ways. Enter: Love Languages.
Do the quiz to find out what each other’s Love Languages are. Most guys I know don’t show their love with words, they show it in other ways. You may find that even though he isn’t saying it, he is showing it in other ways.