Horrible first date (CONTENT WARNING)

(This post will have discussions and the topic of rape/domestic abuse. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy you might just wanna keep scrolling and have a good day)

I matched with this woman on Bumble a few months ago. She claimed to be a nerd, the head of her it department at her university while also balancing a second job, she knew 4 or 5 languages and sign language. I thought everything was going good, we initially hit it off chatting on bumble which quickly lead to us exchanging numbers and continuing to talk. 

We eventually a decided we wanted to meet and set out on a date. The first date went well,  I paid for our meal (I was raised to always pay for the date) and we seemed to really connect. During our conversations on that date we talked about our interests, life etc etc.

During our conversation she had brought up that she had been raped and physically abused by past partners, the ladder of which she was at that time setting up a hearing against her abuser at the university she was going to. I felt really terrible for her, but she shrugged it off as though it was nothing and that she was happy that she was having the hearing. 

After the first date we continued to message each other and even made plans to see the early release of Wakanda Forever. We would still text and she would even call me during the week leading up to the second date. She also happened to be having that hearing during the same week, so conversations about her abuser would come up. A lot. She would talk about her two past abuser all the time, multiple times a day, even when we were talking about nothing relating to the topic. At the time I was very understanding and tried to console her as best I could. But she would always shrug it off as if it was nothing, almost to the point where she was bragging about it every chance she could. And I didn’t know what to do.

Fast forward to us going to the movie. I picked her up from her dorm and we head off the get snacks to sneak into the movies (we were going to Regals, which was expensive as fuck) from a dollar general before we go to the theater. I bought the snacks and we were off the the theater. On the car ride to the movies she was in her phone for most of it only speaking to talk about her ex she was going to a hearing against. We happen to go down the street where he ex lived. We passed by the building where they met. She told me a story of how she had sex with her ex in an empty movie theater in town. At the time I was really trying to be understanding as she was going to a hearing with her ex but I was also very uncomfortable. But I didn’t say anything as I did not want to ruin the night. 

We got to the theater. I bought us popcorn and drinks and a hot dog for her. We go into the movies. Now, I am not one to talk during a movie, especially one as big as big as Wakanda forever. She would make a comment on everything that would happen in the movie and how she felt about it. And for the most part it was fine, we kept watching the movie. But towards the ending (sorry for spoilers) when Shuri decided not to kill Namor she got all bent out of shape and was voicing (kinda loudly) how she thought that was a stupid ending and how it ruined the movie (totally missing the point of her not killing Namor) and once the credit rolled she got up and made us leave without seeing the end credit scene. Looking back I should have waited since I was her ride but I digress.

I take her back to her dorm and say goodnight. At the time without hindsight I thought the date went since that was the second date I’ve ever been on, and go home content with what had happened. Funnily enough we had already made plans to go on a “third date” for my best friends birthday where I would introduce her to my friends. We were going to go to Texas Roadhouse.

In between the movies and my best friends birthday my date had went through the hearing with her ex. She had gotten her ex suspended from university for the entire 4 more years she planned on staying there and got it marked on their record. She would talk about it constantly and would tell in extreme detail how happy she was that her ex was fucked from ever getting into college again. I was starting to get concerned. 

But I let those concerned thoughts go as we were coming up on my best friend’s birthday. At the time I really wanted her and my friends to meet. A couple of days before we were going to go to Texas roadhouse she started to send me pictures of chats from other men that she was apparently chatting with the whole time we were going on dates. She even told me a story of how she went on a date with another guy and ended up having sex with him. Now we were not officially together at this point (we were never official) but she never told me that she was also going on other dates and having sex with other people. At this point I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. She was the first person I had ever gone on dates with so I didn’t really know how to tell her.

So I was on the fence on if I should keep pursuing the relationship I had with her or cut it off. But of course something else happened. She had gotten into a big heated fight with her parents (to preface, she was abandoned as a baby in China and was adopted here in the States. Their relationship was not that good). When I asked why she had said that her parent were mad because she deliberately used there credit card to buy herself things became at the hearing her parents were against her. Now sure, that was kind of shitty of her parents to go against her at the hearing, but that didn’t give her the right to go behind their backs and use their money on their credit card. This was the last straw for me. I was ready to break things off with her. But… I didn’t quite yet. This happened the day of her meeting my friends and I didn’t want to disappoint my friends by her not being there because they were so excited to meet her. So I was going to use the interaction between her and my friends as a deciding factor if we were going to continue the relationship. 

Fast forward to my best friends birthday, plans had changed and we couldn’t go to Texas Roadhouse. It was over booked and we were going to have to wait 2 and a half hours before we could be seated. It was 7pm so we decided to go to a local Mexican restaurant. This was a bit of a problem. I had already told my date that I had a $50 gift card and that was the limit that I had to spend (I did not have enough money to pay for both of us). She had already told me what she was planning on getting, which would’ve left me about $12 to eat off of. So now I couldn’t use the gift card and had to use the cash I had. I told her that i couldn’t pay for her this time and asked if it was ok if she payed for herself. She said ok. Cool.

Now we are at the Mexican restaurant. Everyone is there except my date. We waited in her for about 30 mins before she showed up. She was quite. I introduced her to my friend, she did not look at any of them. She only talked to me in a low whisper. My friends tried to talk to her but she would only reply with one word responses, still not looking at them. We ordered and our food came out. Me and my friends were chatting it up as my date sat there looking at her phone. It was going horribly. She did not want to talk to them. We got our food. My date only ate not even half of her order. 

When the tickets came out she handed me her receipt and said “Thanks for the meal”. Not knowing what to do and the waitress waiting on me I just went ahead and payed for food. Shortly after my date left way before any of us left. My friend were confused and asked if they offended her. I went to text her but she had already text me when she left that she thought that we were to different and she didn’t think we would work out. I was a bit relieved. She then she said that she couldn’t relate to my friends at all because our conversations were not deep or philosophical enough.

I was done. I told her that I did not want to talk to her anymore and we stopped talking after that.

Now I know some of this could’ve been avoided if I had cut it off earlier, but this was my first ever date so I didn’t really know how to do that. I know for next time I guess.

Funny thing… she added me on Facebook yesterday and messaged me on why I cut my hair because when we were talking I told her I was trying to grow it out. Which was months ago. My mind had changed. Anyways I told her to fuck off and blocked her. 

So yeah… that was my first dating experience.