To add some context, I’m 24 years old, I consider myself asexual, and have no experience whatsoever.
I’ve been reading up on sex, relationships and dating for the past two years, mainly because it seems like helpful information to know and also I’ve got a curious streak.
However, something that I’ve come to realise is that people in general are apparently having sex way more than I thought. I recently saw a post on the lowest average frequency of sex in the world, and this (seemingly official) report said that the Japanese have sex 45 times a year on average.
Now this may seem ignorant but isn’t that still a lot?
That’s basically once every week and a half, and if that’s considered to be the lowest average frequency of sex, then what about the rest of the world?
Before I really started reading up on all this, I genuinely didn’t think much about how often people had sex. I knew they must be doing it, obviously, and that since it was so hyped up then people must be putting lots of effort into getting it.
However I was sort of working under the assumption that for most single people you might have a hookup every couple of months, and then it might become a monthly or weekly kind of thing in relationships. Some health articles I’ve read since then specified that this was fairly typical for a lot of people, where you’d have months of inactivity followed by periods of lots of activity.
But then there’s people who complain about not getting laid in weeks, or brag about getting laid weekly, and I’m really struggling to figure out what the hell the ‘normal’ experience really is. I’m fairly certain that it’s a lot more often than I thought it was.
There are lots of reports and studies done on this subject, but I feel like asking people for their perspective on this.
Is regular sex a pretty certain bet for most people or is it more like periods of no sex followed by periods of lots of sex in a relatively unpredictable cycle?
Again, I feel pretty ignorant about this. I still think I’m pretty clueless about what the ‘normal’ and ‘expected’ sexual experience is, if such a thing exists.
18 comments
Normal is different for everyone, for some it’s a couple of times a week, for some it’s a few times a month, for some it’s maybe a few times a year, for others they can go a long period (a year+) without having sex and not care at all.
If you are young, have an average libido, and are in a relationship with another young person with an average libido, then yes, 2-4 times per week is pretty common. Not every time is a marathon session that lasts for two hours. Most might only be 20 minutes from suggesting to grabbing phones, but yes. In some people, this continues right into their 50s. Lots of other people have that drop off over time. Some others never get that frequency. Some others are more frequent.
And yes, people over 60 keep going at it.
Varies so wildly even over the course of a relationship. Wife and I used to have sex 1-2 times a month but we “reconnected” last year and it became 2-3 times a week. Then we opened up about a lot more stuff, came out as bi and have had sex 2+ times everyday so far this year.
Normal is anything from never to multiple times a day. When talking about the average, it highly depends on many factors. e.g.:
* Do you only look at partnered sex or do you include solo sex / masturbation?
* Do you only ask people in relationships or single people, too?
* What is the age of the people you ask?
* Do you only count penetrative sex or other sexual activities, too?
* Do you ask a representative sample of the population or only college students?
* What’s the gender of the people you ask about their sex lives? Men tend to overstate and women tend to understate the amount of sex they have.
* Are you asking new couples/partners or people who have been together for a long time?
* Do you only include people in the statistic that have sex at all, or do you include those that never have sex (in the observation period), too?
i was also bewildered when i heard people complaining about not having sex for weeks
like i genuinely couldn’t believe those were real people
but yeah in a perfect scenario, we should all try to have sex as often as possible.
its healthy, it can be safe, it’s supposed to be fun because there is absolutely 0 benefit from less sex
Some people could go months with out sex. Some hate to go more than a day. It’s all relative.
It’s different for everyone. What’s important is that sex is consensual and no one is coerced into having sex. When in relationships it’s important that both people have similar libido otherwise that would create an unhappy couple.
Have in mind that if they have sex X times a year on average, that means that within the studied sample, it’s very likely that some people had sex 0-2 times a year for example, and others – 3 times a day. So from a mathematical point of view, the average will be X, but in reality there are various frequencies of sex in the population studied.
In terms of the other things, there isn’t really a ‘normal’ frequency of sex. Different people have different libidos, and the libido changes throughout life as well. The sweet spot is to find someone who matches your libido.
couple times a week
I’m not sure what value these average statistics are. There are many people who go months or years without sex for many reasons (a lack of interest, a lack of confidence, health issues, religious beliefs, emotional trauma from a pst relationship etc… ) and then there are many people who have sex on a regular or daily basis. There are some couples who have sex every day so the average you are reading is an average between people who have sex daily and people who never have sex at all.
I know plenty of people on both ends of the spectrum. The only thing I can say is that it’s very rare for me to hear about a friend having sex very frequently (as in once a week or more) if they are not in a steady relationship. I know some people who can have streaks of hooking up with several people over the course of a single week, but this is never a sustainable pace, it’s exhausting to constantly be going out to meet new people. Even my most hook-up prolific friends have settled into just one every couple weeks on average outside of their brief burst periods where they have sex with multiple people in the same week. Most most most of all the sex being had that I am aware of is in the context of long term relationships. But it’s important not to make assumptions about any particular couple, many couples are not having sex frequently at all. For some it’s a choice and for some it’s a source of frustration. Everyone is different and the existence of these averages in statistics really means nothing to any individuals personal experience.
Every person is different. I am 2-3 times a week largely due to her generosity and my very strong drive. But if you add in masturbation (which I don’t consider sex but apparently some people do) then it jumps to 10+ times a week easy.
I (48M) feel pretty much as confused as you by the wealth of varied data out there. I think the replies so far have covered the “there is no normal per se” angle.
I find it helpful to distinguish between people in relationships and those not. I think that for many people, sex just isn’t a part of life while single, so many years can easily pass without. It’s not guaranteed in a relationship either, but at least then it’s (typically) a hypothetical possibility.
Sex does not (typically) happen out of nowhere, like being jumped by bad teens.
Yeah I’d say on average my girlfriend and I do it about 15 times (or more) a month. Feels like we would do it more, but you lose some sensitivity to stimulation from nonstop sex. It’s more intense if you have a short break and let yourself get extra horny in the meantime
I’m in my late 40’s and husband in his early 50’s. We don’t have enough sex in my opinion and it’s something I often fight with him about. The gaps in intimacy bother me more than him. Idk why he’s okay without it. I will ask him to give me foreplay at night once the kids are asleep. Sometimes I just need a release to be able to fall asleep. He will comply with my request. I do crave more sex. Married life is complicated I guess.
45 times a year is not a lot in my opinion
When you’re young you have lots of sex but most slow down and some simply stop at 40 ish or older.
As others have said, it varies depending on people’s libido and what else is going on in their lives.
45 Times a year is the AVERAGE, average numbers doesn’t tell you a whole lot. A couple in an established relationship may be somewhere in the vicinity of 300+ times a year, which vastly overweighs the massive amounts of people whoes number is 0. Just looking at the stats of the average person having sex once every week would make you think that eveyone is a total playboy and having regular hookups, these are a vast minority. Most people are either having regular sex on account of being in a relationship, or zero sex at all.
No idea if this has confused you more or less..