My wife and I have been married 7 years and have a 1 year old daughter.
Since the pregnancy and delivery, things have been tough, especially since I had to to back to work at 3 months. She did get diagnosed with mild PPD but says she has gotten over it despite not taking medication or going to therapy.
We have some great moments, but it’s always stressful with the baby and I am a punching bag for her. Nothing I do is right, no amount I do is enough and nothing I say to justify myself is allowed. She consistently undermines any confidence I have and solely blames me for her anger and says she has no need for therapy but it’s me that’s the problem. She also did say that she hates that I work so much and that I have no right to be tired at all.
I’m trying to see what I can do here, but have hit a wall. I did hope things would start to get better as our daughter got older but if anything they have got worse. My only hope is that things somehow get better when our daughter goes to childcare in May and my wife returns to work in June. If not, I think the best option (and I say this with a lot of sadness) would be for us to separate.
6 comments
(1) You don’t just get over PPD by doing nothing.
(2) If she is treating you terribly, and it is getting worse, that is a sign she isn’t over the PPD and/or there are other issues.
You both need therapy because this is an awful environment in which to raise a child.
What happens when you stand up for yourself when she goes off on a tirade?
INFO: What’s the current split with housework & looking after the baby? When was the last time you both got a solid 8 hour sleep, or time away from the baby (just the two of you)?
She’s likely resentful that you are “allowed” to sleep (because you need to work). She’s chronically overstimulated and physically exhausted but has minimal time to recharge. I am a stay at home mother of a 3 year old, with a partner who works 7 days a week. If you have any questions from my perspective I am willing to help.
I think you are doing all you can and you are correct you should not have to put up with her hatred, if she refuses help you need to bounce for your own mental health
Hoqever she may feel it dies not mean you should let yourself be constantly insulted. You need to drag her to proper doctor not just therapist.
Tell her in advance that unless she is willing to cooperate you will seperate with her when your child will be a bit older. You should also distance yourself from her whenever she starts her verbal abuse. Do not just stand there and listen to it.