What do I do

Hello,

I never admit this to anyone in my personal life, but I feel like asking for help because I want to know how to improve. I am the joke of my class they act awkward and pretend to think of me highly and act like I’m cool when I’m not b/c any time I talk some what seriously they immediately insult me. I only have like one or two real friends. I have made a grave mistake before which makes others naturally hate me. I recently had brought up this up in conversation with my parents and it made me realize just how that most of my problems seem to root from when I was 8 years old I was anally and orally raped by my adopted cousin, and I thought I overcame it but I have not every time I think of it I cry uncontrollably, I believe this has for a brief period made me hate all gay people or anybody associated with them. I realized a while back I was wrong but I still feel I’m responsible for everything. I want to know how could I get into relationships improve my social life, especially since I’m very socially awkward. I feel as if this reddit could help but then again I might just forget about it due to my ADHD which has only become a bigger problem, and after today where I didn’t have a single valentine it made me feel worthless. Please help.