I (F20) have agreed to help my grandfather care for his wife who is I guess my step grandma. He needs time to go and do his own things without worrying about her and so I’ve stepped in to take care of her once or twice a week.
I’ve spent short amounts of time with her but always with others around and she’s a bit… difficult. Always trying to drink wine (not allowed), getting angry quickly, etc. she’s in the later steps of dementia. She still knows who people are but can’t remember day to day things at all anymore.
Im worried as Tomorrow I’m all alone with her for 8 hours. She reacts positively towards me but I want to make sure this goes as smooth as possible.
So far I have planned for us to make some cookies, maybe go out and get some lunch at her favourite resturant, and possibly just follow her lead and ask about the trios she has taken in the past since she likes to do that. Maybe ask to see some photo albums that she’s shown interest in before.
I’m looking for anymore tips/ideas to keep things going smooth or any activities as I really want to help my grandpa out long term.
TL:DR; taking care of my step grandma who has dementia. Struggling to figure out activities and how to keep things smooth.
2 comments
I live fulltime with my elderly mother, who will deny she has dementia or anything like it if it she who is asked. If you ask me, you’ll get a bit of a different answer.
That she responds positively to you is good. My mother is not known for being kind, to me. For my mother, she gets tired way easier than I do. So I always need to make sure I don’t schedule too much for her. I also have to check that she hasn’t inadvertently gone and done it to herself by reviewing our appointment calendars together. This matters because I am her transportation.
Hanging out with your grandma is likely as good as going all kinds of places. As we get older the attractiveness of going lots of places loses much of its shine I feel. It certainly has for my mom, for me, and for many of those in my circle of friends who are around my age or older. I often sit with mom and patiently listen to what the wild animals here on our land did over the last day or two as she sits and watches them out the back windows all day.
She sometimes calls me in to see various TV commercials with animal or characters she likes or thinks are weird and wants me to see. So I try to go and see what she wants and agree that yes, it is just the way she describes and we have a laugh, a moment she can enjoy. Having me to listen, to be here, and to talk to is pretty much all my mom wants. But she loves to tell me about the animals, so we do that. She recently wants me to see all of the drama on Parking Wars, so I go and see people acting a fool. And we laugh about that and have a moment.
Sometimes we cook dinner together, but it has to be more simple stuff unless I do major assistance she gets too tired at this age. She has to start using her Cubii exerciser now per her cardiologist. So I will now be helping her remember to exercise daily. If mom was able, we would go on walks together. Both just down the road here, and around our acreage. Maybe your grandma would like to go for a walk. I can’t get mom to even let me push her around the stores, a park, or go to the lake and have a picnic to get her out of the house. Or we would do those things.
But most importantly, even though she has dementia. Ask her anyway what SHE wants to do, and if it is feasible go do what she wants. I can’t suggest much more not knowing how advanced her dementia is. But keep it simple and let things grow organically. Try and just be there with her so grandpa can do his thing is the biggest part of this right now. Best of luck!
You could try playing cards or Scrabble or some such thing. This is a handy way to see how someone’s going, cognitively. You could take some non-alcoholic wine and get her to try it, not pointing out that it’s non-alcoholic, but making a show of how much *you* like it. “This is my favourite wine!”. Ask her if there’s something special she’d like to do today, seeing as you have 8 hours and it’s just the two of you. There may be some place she’d like to go. Is there any expertise she has that you could get her to show you how to do? Like, a crafting activity, or special recipe? And don’t forget that she might want to have a nap at some stage. I hope tomorrow goes well for you both.