This is a throw away account but me (19m) have been dating my gf (20f) for about 6 months and I love her and every part about the relationship, other than our sex life. At first the problem was me having performance anxiety, but I have since gotten past that (partially thanks to this sub👍). But now it’s that my gf has a super low sex drive. She has said she knows I really want sex all the time which is true but that she wants it’s about once a week, if that often. I’ve tried talking to her about it and maybe trying to see if there’s something I’m doing that is making her not want it and if there’s things I can do to make her want it more. She says she enjoys what I do a lot and that I make her feel really good. But then she just says it’s tiring, she says that she only ever likes sexual interactions (foreplay, penetration, etc) for maybe 30 minutes and then just feels it’s time consuming. I’m a little bit at a loss of what to do here as I’ve made her orgasm more times than I can count and I’ve only cum 2-3 times, so it’s honestly quite frustrating for me.
The other aspect is that she said she’s soar after sex for a day or two in her vaginal area, is this normal? I’m by no means huge, I’m about average (never measured but between 5-6″). I’ve tried talking to her about what she likes which didn’t get too much of a response and when I asked if she’d be willing to give me hj/BJ’s sometimes even if she doesn’t want sex, she just said “I don’t really like those things, just go do it yourself.” She never really gets into foreplay when we actually do it, she just has me play with her and the grabs my dick and wants to get into penetration immediately which is sometimes too soon for me. So I’m just getting a little frustrated with the lack of a sex life and the unwillingness to pleasure me sometimes. Is this a dick move on my part?
I know she’s had a rough time with her ex, but I told her at the very start of our relationship that I will never force anything on her or doing anything wrong by her, which I have kept up with no faults, she also said she wants to get more sexual but has made no moves in order to do that. And I know moving on from bad experiences can take time as I’ve dealt with bad stuff myself, but I’m just wanting peoples opinions and ideas for what I could do to help with these two things I’m trying to work out.
Thank you for any help, it’s very much appreciated.
TLDR: gf doesn’t like sex often even though I do, unwilling to give hj/BJ or just pleasure me.
2 comments
It really depends a lot on how high of a priority sex is for you in a relationship. Theres nothing wrong either way. For some its a higher priority, and if their partner is not on the same level its not a terrible thing to want to move on with someone more compatible in that area.
That said, we ofc don’t know the dynamics in your relationship, but if it does end up being a dealbreaker for you and shes unwilling to compromise, dont beat yourself up for considering the possibility of moving on
Moving on over incompatible sex drives is OK. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s an important part of a relationship, and this early on, it’s definitely something people break up over.
Not trying to minimize your feelings here, but you’re not talking 15 years of marriage and 3 kids here: move on while it’s easier.