Women in relationships, what would prevent you from sharing details about past relationships with a new SO?

18 comments

1. Nothing? Open and honest communication is important.

2. Nothing,

3. [removed]

4. Early on in my relationship, I was nervous about being judged for how I reacted or treated exes. Over time we grew to be able to talk about any aspect of our former relationships. Now everything is 100% out in the open.

5. Being ashamed – my marriage was to a violent man. I’m ashamed that I never fought back and let him hit me and treat me the way he did. I’m ashamed that I ever fell for his bs in the first place. I’m ashamed that I chose to have a child with this person that hasn’t contacted his child in 22 years. I’m ashamed of the bad choices I made at the time.

6. If the new SO is not interested in details from my previous relationships

7. Nothing. I’m an open book with him.

8. It really depends on the details for me. Who I date/how long/when are out in the open, along with everything my partner really needs to know. However, I am probably not going to share every random story I find amusing or random details that are not relevant. For example, if we’re deciding a movie to watch I would probably say “oh I saw this one” not “oh I saw this with ex”. I’d avoid that because it’s not needed.

9. Relevance. Most of that stuff is not useful or interesting information.

10. Regret and shame about my past actions or my personal perspective on my past. It took me quite awhile with my fiancé to finally talk to him about one particular experience and it was very difficult for me to talk about. Once I saw his support and absolute lack of judgement, it made every hard conversation so much easier. I think eventually, when you’re with the right person, everything could be discussed, but it doesn’t necessarily have to. My fiancé loves me for who I am today, not for one night when I was 23. Once I realized that a huge weight was off my shoulders.

11. Depends on the details. There are somethings I’d rather not relive without reason, and there are likely somethings a new SO wouldn’t want to hear about. I’ve known people who let their SO know exactly where they fall on dick size, boob size, sex quality, etc. I don’t discuss stuff like that because it feels petty and uncomfortable, and if a guy is that interested, it’s a red flag for me anyways.

12. Depends on what kinda of details you mean. I’m not going to share private, confidential, or sexual details about a prior partner without their active and informed consent to do so.

    As a general rule, I don’t discuss sexual details with anyone who wasn’t present for the sex itself.

13. I don’t have a reason to.

14. Past and present are parallel, they never intersect.

15. They don’t need to know everything about my life, some things aren’t relevant.

16. With my now husband, I’ve noticed that if we don’t communicate we argue a lot. Communication is key. If I don’t know what’s wrong with you, how can I help you?

17. If past partners asked for keeping specific info private, I would.

18. Shame.