What are some important boundaries that you live by in a relationship or friendship?

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  2. We do not lie.
    We can say we refuse to answer or that we don’t want to say or none of your business, but we do not lie.

    If I can’t trust a partner to tell me the truth then I have no use for that person as my partner.

  3. I’ll trust the person until I have a reason not to, but once that trust is broken it’s very hard to get it back.

  4. I will not date or befriend someone who controls the relationship on their own terms. Our relationship should be nurturing, fulfilling, and balanced on both sides. I’ve had enough of people taking advantage of what I give and not be prepared to give back in return.

  5. We’re not going to live together any time soon, if at all. I need my space, I own my home, I like my shit to be where I left it.

    I need time away to do my hobbies with my mates. I also expect my partners to have their own hobbies and friends. Obviously I like doing stuff as a couple but I think friendships and own interests are important.

    Girls night is non negotiable, I had a partner who was so insecure he tried to stop me going. Turns out he was a cheaty little fucker. My friends will likely be there long after he’s gone.

    Don’t expect me to get out of bed when you do. I choose to work from home, I have my morning routine and will be bent out of shape if I can’t do my own thing.

  7. in my relationship, we do not contact anyone on my side of the family, i cut them off for specific reasons so we do not talk to them or anything like that, that’s my most biggest boundary

  9. Respecting my personal space and privacy. I would hope that my partner trusts me enough to not violate any of that. Otherwise it’s a deal breaker.

  10. It’s not a competition. I have friends that look at everything competitively. I got extremely lucky with the man I married, I’m not about to apologize because you date fuck ups and guys with a kid mentality. Don’t drag me into an argument because you chose someone less than you’re worth. If you’re not happy, don’t vent to me expecting me to air some dirty laundry in return then get mad because we don’t have any.

  11. No means stop now. We only say it once.

    Applies to tickling, sex, cuddling, talking, questions, whatever. We can talk about *why* we said no, but we don’t continue to do or ask to do whatever no was said to.

  12. * no lying; includes purposely omitting some truthful facts; you might as well just lie.
    * no cheating. That includes emotional cheating or inappropriate talking to another woman. Cheat and bye, no second chances. Pack your shit and GTFO.
    * appreciate beauty of others but don’t oogle or gawk. That’s just rude (and creepy).
    * don’t force me to talk about something if I’m really upset about it; give me my space to think, process and calm down and I will talk about it in a couple of hours when I’m in a rational state of mind.
    * you lay a hand on me in violence, not only will I give it right back to you in the same manner but your ass is out of here and there is no second chance. Pack your shit and GTFO.
    * I don’t deal with, nor have the patience for, man-babies. You want to be treated like a child who expects to be cleaned up after, need their appointments made for them etc? go back to your mama’s house. In this relationship, we are equals and support each other.
    * I have friends male and female; don’t tell me who I can or can’t be friends with.
    * ask me to do things, don’t tell me to do things.

  13. No unnecessary violence, no talk of religion around family (both sides), and no controlling behavior

  14. Let me know if you’re fucking anyone else before we have sex or before the next time we have sex.

  15. We each have total power over our own bodies. It sounds weird but basically, if I want to shave my head and tattoo skulls on it, I will. And if he wants to shave his beard or gain 40 pounds, he will. We can ask opinions or advice, but there’s no, “I can’t believe you did that without asking me.” We love each other for who we are, not what we look like.

    On the same note, we have permission to age. I don’t say anything about his wrinkles and he doesn’t say anything about my grays. If I had to try to fight time I’d be a ball of insecurity for the rest of my life.

  16. If you expect me to have a relationship with your family, you need to make that same level of effort on having a relationship with my family.

    I refuse to tolerate being expected to be BFF’s with my in laws while my partner barely speaks to my parents once a year.

  17. I have a simple rule with my husband: if you wouldn’t do ot in front of me, don’t do it behind my back. Dont dish out what you couldnt handle yourself.

  18. I will tell you plainly what I need and want. But only once or twice. You ignore me at your own peril.

  19. I need my privacy and my agency over my own body. I need alone time. I decide what I do with my body. Others don’t get to tell me to shave, or not to get tattoos, or not to masturbate. That’s my decision.

  20. I’m never going to mother you. If you have a tooth ache I will suggest a dentist once and then it’s your issue. I won’t beg or drag someone to a hospital or doctors office, and I won’t give attention to your pain if you refuse to do anything about it. I refuse to become one of those sad wives who spend their lives doing this.

  21. Honesty, communication, trust and respect.

    – I don’t see the point of lying, no matter how much the truth hurts, lying is always worse.

    – If Im in a relationship it’s important to have have safe zone of communication where there’s no judgement, just compassion and understanding.

    – Trust, is there really any healthy relationship without trust?

    – In terms of respect, I need whoever I am with to respect me as a person, to respect my friendships and relationship with my family. Also I think it’s important to respect each other’s privacy. For example, if the guy I’m with gets a message from his friend about a personal matter I wouldn’t butt into his business because before we were together he had his own life and I believe that, that should be respected.

    Also I don’t get the whole “I need to know my significant others’ phone passcode” it’s kinda weird if you only “trust” them when you have their passcodes. If a person is a cheater, they will find countless ways to hide it, he might give you his passcode but he could easily change a girls name into a guys name and you wouldn’t have a clue.

    However if I trust my significant other and he wounds up being a cheater, eventually I would find out even if I don’t have his passcode.

  22. Oooh I have so many!! I find new ones every day! (I never used to have boundaries, so learning to enforce them has been a challenge but so rewarding).
    – I wont’ tolerate someone laughing AT me
    – If I say no to a certain kind of touch, do NOT try it again. I said NO.
    – I won’t allow abuse of any kind. Physical, mental, emotional, financial.
    – If you are mean to my pets you are gone.
    – I will not overwork myself into burnout just so YOUR project gets done faster.
    – If our relationship is one-sided, I’m out.
    – If you gaslight me, you are dead to me.

  23. We don’t go to sleep angry. We talk things out and stay up if needed.

    We don’t make decisions for the other. We are consultative and we agree on the best course of action for both of us.

  24. My relationships need to have a foundation of trust, respect, accountability and responsibility.

    Boundaries are the nuts and bolts of building that foundation.

    One of my hard noes is big mad/big sad = justification for reading your partner for filth. Which means I have to wait patiently-ish when my partner says “I can’t talk about this yet.” And I have to say the same when I am beyond furious and am just itching to enlighten my partner on alllllll their jackassery in the most cuttingly detailed way possible.

  25. Oh gee there’s so many and some that we both probably just got into routine without specifying. I guess the top 3 would be:

    Always be honest with each other, whether it’s hurtful or not, just be honest. If we can’t do that, we shouldn’t be in a relationship.

    Don’t cheat, obviously. We’ve both agreed we are monogamous as we both came from families where our parents were in their own affair worlds (his dad with multiple women cheated on his mom & my mom cheated on my dad with my bio dad aka sperm donor) so it’s a big deal for us.

    We are both no allowed to watch any type of personal porn (webcam, onlyfans, etc). If you are interacting with the person, we see it as an extension of cheating. All other porn is free game.

  28. i will always have control over my body and will not be forced to do something I don’t want to do.

  29. i don’t know if this a boundary but i won’t deal with bad/lack of communication. if you don’t know how to talk through our issues, communicate when you’re uncomfortable with something, etc, we can’t be together. communication is very important for me.

  30. To not do anything physical, even as simple as putting my hand on my thigh, without asking. I am dealing with hypervigilance from PTSD from physical abuse from teachers and other adults as a child and I need to feel control of my body.

    I once had a guy friend (not even dating) suddenly kiss me when we were sitting on a couch watching a Disney movie. I shoved him and got pissed and he was so confused why and said I was “being silly.” He did it again the next time i saw him, and then the next time after that he groped me.

    And he would complain every two months about how ANOTHER girlfriend and him called it quits. Safe to say I’m not friends with this dude anymore.

    At least I know what I’m capable of. I need to feel like I have control of myself and that I’m not scared by surprises when it comes to my own body.

  31. The life I have and had before and after meeting you, is gonna be maintained the same. i will still see my friends and family, I will still want my alone moments and I want exactly and encourage you to do the same. I have a very small circle for a reason, I have very few good friends for a reason. You want to go out with the guys and play football weekly until 10-11 PM at night? That is your thing to do, do it then. I’m not going to stop you and ask where you are going constantly or being on you at all times. You are an adult, just like I am. We are supposed to support each other to make it work

  32. I have tons, but a new one has popped up and I’m adding it to the repertoire:

    You sharing your problems does not make me automatically responsible for them.

  33. Absolutely no disrespect to my birds. None. This is for any kind of relationship. I’ve had so many friends try to flick them or cross their boundaries and end up getting mad when they get bitten. No. I will not “put them away” or “make them shut up” while you’re over. They live here. You don’t. They are a package deal with me. You cannot be my friend without tolerating my birds.

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