My husband (20) and I (22) have been together for 5 years. We met when he was 15 and I was 16 during my junior year in high school. What drew me to my husband was his humor and kind personality. I always felt safe with him, never questioned his loyalty and he fought hard for this relationship despite my parents making it near impossible for us to see each other. During my senior year of high school I moved in with my husband and his mother. For the first two years of our relationship my husband was incredible, I couldn’t have dreamt up a better partner. I got pregnant my senior year, my husbands mother moved to another state and my husband and I moved in with my parents. My parents gave him the ultimatum of joining the Army or he would have to move out. My husband chose to join the army directly after graduating high school and for the last 3 years has hated it. While in the Army my husbands mental health declined rapidly and he became involved in weed, alcohol and mushrooms. He acted as if I didn’t exist, turned into a completely different person and basically neglected my needs and our sons needs. It was like living with a room mate. I begged him all of last year to get his drug/alcohol problem under control and to show me he loves me if he does because I truly felt he had lost feelings for me. After months of begging nothing changed and I was ready to pack my bags and leave him. That night I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Fast forward to December. I had our second baby, a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Things were absolutely perfect. My husband was getting help for his mental health and drug problems and he was so excited to welcome our daughter. Then out of nowhere he had a psychotic break. He ended up doing things completely out of character which hurt me deeply. He said things to me and did things that he would’ve never done in a clear state of mind. He got sent to the psych ward for his behavior and is now on antipsychotics. Since getting out of the hospital (it’s now been two weeks), my husband has treated me the way he did before the Army. He’s kind to me, he checks in on my mental health, asks about our babies constantly, says he’s going to get his shit together and we’ll get a place together again (he’s staying with his grandma because since his psychotic break I don’t feel safe with him, I’m staying with my parents and our two children). He seems motivated and like things are finally changing for the better. My issue is that I don’t feel in love anymore. When I say I was obsessed with this man I truly was. I loved him more than anything or anyone. Inside and out, head to toe. I would’ve gone to war for him, I would’ve given my last breath for him. We truly had a fairytale love at the beginning. Now he’s finally treating me the way I feel I deserve and I just can’t give it back. I don’t think I’m completely ready to let go of him but I also don’t think I’ll ever love him in the way I did before. I feel burnt out. I’m 6 weeks post partum and I have little to no help with a toddler and newborn. Maybe I’m just hormonal and stressed from the babies but I don’t know. Is it worth trying to fix things? Should I let this go and focus on myself and my new job and children? If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading.
TLDR; husband neglected my feelings/needs for too long and now that he’s treating me the way I wanted him to, I’m not sure I still want the relationship.
2 comments
Oh dear. I feel for you. Very sad. I dont know what to say that would be supportive.
All the best to you.
Listen, your hormones are all wacked right now, on top of the mental insanity you have to deal with. I HIGHLY recommend joining Al-Anon, the group for family and friends of alcoholics. They can help you cope with trauma and mental abuse that comes with substance abuse.
I also wouldn’t take him back unless there is serious rehab on his part such as AA. Recovery is hard and takes someone really wanting it to do it.
Remember this : you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. Only he can do those things.
Edit: If he really wants to be with you and your family, tell him to give you some time to work through the emotions. If he really means it he will wait.