My f29 husband m29 recently revealed he still doesn’t trust me over something that happened 10 years ago.
When my husband & I were dating, less than a year at this point, I went out clubbing with friends, which wasn’t unusual at the time. I was very drunk & developed a crush on a friend & very stupidly, text my best friend about it. Nothing happened between me & the guy, the next day I re-read the text I had sent, thought about how daft I was & thought that was it.
My now husband saw the text a little while later & was extremely upset, he said the fact that I hid it made it seem like more, he made it very clear that I had broken his trust. It took a while (close to a year) but we moved on & we got married 5 years ago.
Our relationship has been in jeopardy recently as since we started a family, I’ve been a single mum essentially. He fully expected to come home from work, cook tea, have a bath & go to bed, while I did all the childcare outside nursery, all the dog care, all the housework, made all the decisions & took on all the responsability & consequences for those decisions. I also work full time, just like him. I’ve told him multiple times over 12 months that I’m not happy & things need to change, but he never did anything about it. In the end I spent a couple of days with his mum & dad. We talked & were doing better but still not in the clear.
During our discussion, he revealed that he’s only just fully trusted me again after the incident 10 years ago, but since I snuck out & took our son to his parents before coming back, waking him up & telling him what was going on, he’s lost all trust in me again.
Like I said were still not in the clear, but am I unreasonable for thinking that 10 years over a text is a bit excessive?
TLDR I sent a drunk, stupid text 10 years ago, my husband recently revealed during our marital struggles, that he had only just re-gsined trust.
5 comments
10 years should be plenty of time for your husband to get over something like that. Especially since nothing actually *happened*. That said, I’m not your husband and I can’t speak for him or dictate how much time is appropriate for you to regain his trust.
It sounds like he’s just grasping at straws now because he doesn’t like the feedback you’re giving him, tbh. He just wants a maid that generates income and takes care of everything. And, if you have a problem with that, he’ll remind you of some bullshit that happened 10 years ago.
As an aside, try not to disappear in the middle of the night with the kids because…well, it just looks bad. And i wouldn’t trust someone who did something like that either.
Yeah that’s a pretty long time ago unless he thinks you didn’t tell him the whole story. He may think you did more than kiss and still haven’t told him the truth. I’m not suggesting that is the case but he may think so.
Definitely sounds like he’s choosing to hold onto the one mistake you’ve made in your 10 or 11 years together, and play that as a defense card whenever you’re unhappy with him about anything.
For him to bring up something so minor that happened 10 years ago is him trying to deflect blame. He needs to smarten up asap or you should leave him.
He is a weak little man who has to drag out an ancient minor incident to keep you in check. Tell him to grow some balls and become a livable partner.