This girl that I’m friends with has liked me for a while. Even back in high school she had feelings for me when I was with my current gf. We broke up going into to senior year when I was 17. This girl lets call J tried to get with me several times after this and I would play stupid and get away. The things is though is we do get along very well but im not attracted to her. We graduated high school and she and one of the other girls I’m friends with went away. I took a little while to decide what I wanted and was working for a semester before starting community college. In fall 2021 I transferred to the same college this girl is at as well as two of my good friends. And of course we’ve hung out with J and my other female friend. And again me and J get along very well. I love this girl as much as you can in a platonic way. At times I think though maybe I do have feelings for her but think more about it and I don’t. What feels shitty is that I’m not physically attracted to her and that is the main thing that drives it. She’s skinny and not busty at all and I’m a gym guy and like ass to just be straight with you. I’m told a lot by girls and guys that I’m very physically attractive and knowing the girls I have shot with (if I’d gain the balls to approach) it’s hard for me to drop my standards for her. But again I considered it bc as a person I love her that much. And here’s the issue past weekend (we’re 21 now I’ll be 22 in April) something happened. I ended up seeing her out at a club/bar we were drunk. None of our other friends were. J kept throwing herself at me hugging me, grabbing me, and dancing with me. I don’t know why I did it but I pulled her in and we started making out. She asked me how I felt about it I said I was confused. I then told her I had to leave and walked back to my apartment and texted were gonna have to talk. I’ve been thinking it through and I think the kiss gave me my answer. I felt nothing I dont regret it though cause it helped give me clarity. As much as I care about this girl I can’t see myself with her as much as I try to. I’m just not physically attracted to her I wish I could look past it but I can’t. I will likely see her soon and will have to tell her that I can’t see myself with her. I’m aware also that there is a a chance she’d be fine with being casual but I don’t want that either. She was smiling ear to ear when we kissed like she finally had the guy she wanted, now I have to break her heart I have no idea how this will pan out. I’m know not be sensitive it likely my entire group is gonna look at me again and call me cold but it’s the truth I can’t drag her along anymore. Am I doing the right thing or am I an ass?
5 comments
Hey bro I’ve been there. Pretty much similar situation throughout my twenties. Anyway, don’t think about it too hard. In life it’s not always what you say but how you say it. You seem to share a decent friendship and level of comfort with her so use that to bring up the conversation. Be kind in letting her know that you are into a different type of girl. Women have their preferences too and as men we have to deal with it. So don’t think you’re a dick for having preferences yourself because we are also entitled to that. As your friend, she should be able to get over that slight rejection and hopefully continue being friends, but now with more managed expectations. If she calls you an asshole and stops dealing with you just know that most girls don’t take rejection well so don’t take it personally anyway. The point is you were honest and upfront with her and you didn’t express your disinterest in a way that made her feel inadequate. Anyway you got this lol 💪🏾 btw do this and you’ll find that you had the balls to talk to those other girls all along haha
Send her a dick pic. Either a massive one (to scare her) or a tiny one (to repulse her). She’ll drop her desire ina second.
OP,
Ain’t nothing wrong here. Girls point of view yaa it will hurt!! But your doing the right thing.
Clear the air so all of you can be normal again, it happens you tried to see if you could have something but it ain’t there. It’s just how things are sometimes.
It takes a special kind of guy who cares enough about a girls feelings to find the right thing to say. Someone raised you well! I don’t have any doubt that you will find the right way to let her know this isn’t going to work. As a woman who was not treated well way back when, if I had to go through that again it’d would’ve been much easier to hear it from someone honest and compassionate.
Thank you for being a good egg.
I would just say i care about you, i like you as a person and as a friend but i don’t have romantic feelings for you. I would just say that its a feeling and thats it.