Hi I’m Lia 13 years old
My mom and dad divorced two years ago. My brother and I live with my dad.
I think my dad is still grieving even though my mom got over it quickly and had a boyfriend too.
When we go to my mother he asks us a lot about her. what she ate what she did and what she wore
I need advice on how to get my dad to get over their divorce because I feel sad for him, because he still loves her so much.
He always tells us that he needs her and want her comeback and he didn’t want a divorce but it was her choice
I don’t know what to do and I don’t even know why they ended up getting divorced 🙁
Tl;dr : How can I help my father after the divorce
3 comments
I know you want to help him, but you need to understand that your dad is in the wrong for talking to you about how he needs your mom or how the divorce wasn’t his choice, and asking you all those questions about your mom. It’s inappropriate for a parent to discuss that with their kids – *he* is the one who should be thinking of taking care of you, not the other way around. The best thing you can do is to stay out of it, and focus on taking care of yourself as you adjust to this change. If you can, tell your dad that you’re not comfortable answering questions about your mom, or tell your mom what your dad has been asking and saying to you.
Your dad will be sad for a while, and that’s a normal part of a romantic relationship ending. It can take a long time to move on from a long relationship. He’s an adult, and it’s his responsibility to move through that grief, with the support of other adults if he needs it. There is nothing significant that you can do to make it better for him – and there’s nothing that you *should* be doing for him. You’re the kid in this situation.
I need you to take a deep breath and a step back.
Your father’s job is to take care of *you*. He is the adult here. You are not responsible for managing his mental health, and could not even if you tried. You are not his therapist, you are not his spouse, you are not his parent. You are a kid who only has a fraction of the relevant information concerning your parents’ divorce. Do *not* get involved, and do not let yourself get sucked into the role of Dad’s Informant. The details of your mother’s daily life are none of his business, and you are perfectly allowed to say “dad, I’d really rather talk about [other thing]” when he starts to pepper you with questions. His sadness is his own responsibility, and he needs to find a better outlet for it.
Your Dad needs the kind of help you can’t give him. He needs therapy. If he has close friends or family members perhaps they can suggest it.