This is an issue I’ve had for a while. I’d say about 80% of the time I have sex I can’t cum. I enjoy it, but most of the time it doesn’t happen for me and I don’t know why. Finishing from oral seems impossible for me (it’s only ever happened once, and it took a while), and even though I still enjoy it it makes me sad and I feel disappointed to an extent every time.
With my most recent girlfriend I’ve only finished once out of 6 or so times. I only ever really feel close while in some variation of missionary, and if I’m getting there and we change position at all it’s gone. Also, several times our sex has gone one for quite a while, a bit less than an hour maybe, and after the first 10 or 15 so minutes I just feel much less sensitive.
I’ve never been really sure what the issue is, which is really frustrating for me. I thought it might be because in the past I’ve masturbated quite a lot (masturbation is no issue), and I thought maybe I was developing a “death grip” and that was causing the issue, but after weeks of masturbating less and with more lube nothing has changed. I even avoided masturbating for a whole week before one of my encounters either my girlfriend, to no avail.
Ant advice would be greatly appreciated, and if anyone has had a s inialr experience and managed to overcome it, I’d appreciate hearing about it.
Thanks 🙂
4 comments
I remember being your age and looking back I thought of course I knew everything about everything. In actuality I knew very little about sex as it turned out. It took me some time to get to know my body, it took time to be comfortable and gain some confidence with that of my body and with sex itself. Learn to control your breathing, relax, and most importantly enjoy it. You da man!
I was similar when I was your age. In my case I think it was just a more mental thing. I was unable to cum most of the time and the times I did it took a long time. As I got more comfortable with partners, I was able to cum much quicker and now frequently.
I couldn’t tell you if I’m still the same way now or not. I’ve been with my wife for 18 years and haven’t had a new partner in that time to see.
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Some guys have trouble finishing. It’s nothing to be bummed out about, but it can cause some trouble in the bedroom, especially if your pattern feels self-conscious about it. I’d recommend expanding your horizons a bit and not pressuring yourself to finish from PiV or oral alone. Try masturbating with your gf to break down some of those mental barriers about finishing. Or, have her finish you with a sex toy like a [stroker](https://condomania.com/collections/penis-masturbation-toys). These toys are made to do one job–and they do it well. It can be pretty satisfying to introduce one into your sex life with a partner, especially if you have trouble finishing.