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15 comments

1. I could use perspective on a situation with a friend. A month ago, I asked to hang out more and maybe try fwb, and my guy friend agreed. Since then, we have sexted a couple of times, but he hasn’t wanted to hang out at all. He said everything was fine when asked. Is any of this typical for a fwb? How do I bring this up tactfully if he doesn’t want to volunteer what is going on?

2. Guys I am not sure whether I am being stupid or not and I need a sanity check please!

   So there’s this guy I met once before. He came to meet me in my town (he lives something like 1:30-2H away from me), we went for a walk in the park and coffee on a weekend. It was nice, we hugged at the end, that’s it. The following weekend I had other plans and couldn’t see him – that gets us to this week.

   For Valentine’s day, in the evening, I receive a text from him asking if I had plans tonight. I didn’t, said so, and he answers that he came back to my town and he is at the coffee shop we went to last time, and to come join him if I’d like. At that point, I’m a bit put off by a surprise visit from someone I know so little. Like how do I know he’s not getting too attached too fast, or being weirdly controlling by checking on me or something like that? Plus now, I felt a bit pressured to accept, since he drove all the way (I know I shouldn’t, but easier said than done).

   He’s very chill about it all and once I am there he doesn’t act like he is expecting anything from me either. So I relax and I end up actually having a great time. When I finally get to my car to leave, we kiss, then (and I got the impression he was maybe waiting to see if that was the right mood to follow up with this) he says he has something for me. It’s a ready to plant little rose bush. I had said I love gardening and recently got a place with a backyard, but was hesitating doing anything since I’m just renting. So it was quite thoughtful to be honest, and I drove back home with my plant all grinning (me, not the plant ^^).

   Today, I was thinking back about it and wondering whether I had dismissed my initial concerns too fast or not. I asked some friends for opinions and it basically went like this: all those who have more OLD experience said it was a red flag and to back up and all those who have mostly dated organically told me it was sweet and thoughtful and a good sign the guy was upfront with his interest. And now I don’t know who to trust (me included)… Any wisdom for me, guys? Are all of us, used to OLD, just doomed to live paranoid lives? Or have we evolved better red flag detectors? Which is it? T_T

3. I can’t believe I fell in love with him.

4. Why do I feel like legitimate long distance (hours, maybe states away) is easier than someone living 45ish minutes away 😭

   Anybody else??

5. Every time a dating situation doesn’t work out and I have to start back at Square 1, it chips away at me inside. I’m so sick of feeling excited about someone, only to be relegated back to the apps, wading through hundreds of low-effort or poor-quality profiles. I’ve been good about getting back on the saddle every time, but this time, I’m just…tired. I’m so tired.

   I know people take breaks from the apps when they feel like this, but I can’t help but think “but the likelihood of me meeting a good match is literally 0 if I pause my profile, instead of sticking on the apps, even passively.”

   Idk, I don’t need advice or anything; I guess I just need to express that I’m exhausted and saddened by this whole process.

6. I’d love some advice on this one. This is just a recent example of a common pattern I have of dating, where I’ll have 2 or 3 great dates and then something seems to cause it all to collapse. Is it me or them?

   I (38M) met her (34F) at a singles event. Her friend told me she liked me. We went on two dates. First was lots of fun, drinks and ended with some heavy make outs. Although before the kiss she told me she wasn’t sure if I am a boy who sleeps around or not.

   Lots of texting from her in between dates.

   Second date we went to dinner, I took her to a vegetarian restaurant as she’s vego and I mostly am too. We had wine, went bar hopping until 4 in the morning. Lots of kissing and touching on the night, and our goodbye kiss involved my hand being up her skirt. Also during the date when a bar was closed I suggested we could have a drink at my place which was met with a quick rebuttal and again accusations of being a boy who sleeps around.

   A few days after our second date we had the following text exchange.

   https://imgur.com/a/sa8VYKi

   Can anybody shed light on this? Is it me or them? This has me feeling like I’ve got no hoping of finding a life partner if I can have 2 great dates with someone and it ends like this.

7. I took a break from browsing dating subreddits for a while, but now I find myself addicted. Its as if I’m searching for answers as to why my dating life isnt what I want it to be, but I know there is no answer. I have no control over whether someone likes me. All I can do is put myself out there and hope I find someone who does.

8. First time commenting! Been lurking for a while and really in my (shower) thoughts recently.

   My ~year situationship ended when he moved back to his home city last week. It’s been a known move since we met – but dang, the attachments! At least I only started feeling em in December. Here’s to the detachment process! 🥂

   Mixed feels on if I want to date again. He is my most significant “relationship” to date. I am asexual (but can be Demisexual under the right conditions) so while I have dated in my 20s – it has always been very light dating. Never online dated, and have only dated people I met through friends. Idk I like the idea of a long term partner but not sure if it’s something I want to actively pursue. On top of being asexual, I don’t want kids or marriage. So there’s that!

   But dang I will miss the intimacy of holding hands, embracing, and him placing his head on/to my chest 🥹

9. I’m in a relationship now.
   It went fast.
   But I stopped fighting it.
   And now I’m really enjoying it.

   I realize I’ve never had this before and it’s comforting, energizing and a little terrifying (fear of the unknown).

   It’s not perfect. But just when I think things could blow up, somehow they turn into something magical.
   I don’t get it. I keep expecting something bad to happen but it hasn’t yet.
   I was single since March 2020. And now, starting off 2023, I have a boyfriend.

10. I have this week off and have been texting with a guy since the weekend. It sounds like we are compatible in terms of our time alone and time we are social, and my birthday is Saturday, so I went ahead and asked if he has plans on Friday. I haven’t heard back yet, but we really don’t text later than like 8:30/9 (my sleep schedule is so out of whack this week! In bed by like 8:30 and waking up wide awake around this time 😂😭), so we’ll see.

11. How do you guys deal with the anxiety and being so vulnerable at the start? It’s only been 2 dates and for the first time in ages I’m seeing green flags popping up everywhere and getting excited about things, but there’s always a little voice that reminds me it’s still so flimsy and uncertain. He seems keen but he could be speaking to a bunch of girls. So hard to find the balance between protecting yourself and opening yourself up enough to enjoy what’s happening. Not really a question, just wanted to vent I guess haha!

12. My life has been so dry for so long… debating if I should search for a vacation fling while I’m traveling. Very out of character for me but maybe… 🤔

13. I have a new lady friend. We’ve had some deep conversations in the first few weeks. She asked that we can be friends and not jump into a relationship right away. I have feelings for her, but I haven’t told her how much, and there have been times when I’ve felt like I was being too much.

    Last week she asked me to give her space. I gave it 6 days before I checked in with her. She’s been having a hard time with her mental health. She needs to see her new therapist and maybe get on some medication. I asked her if she would like to go see some music next month. She said she appreciated the invite but said no because she’s emotionally unavailable right now. It seemed like she was about to reject me but I fought. I told her that I like her and I’ve seen at least a dozen therapists and tried almost every antidepressant out there in the last 10 years. I told her I want to support her through this and that I am not suffering by not having the instant gratification of being in a relationship right now. I told her I’m just being genuine and she said she appreciated it. That was on Monday night. We haven’t talked for a few days again.

    Should I wait for her to approach me or should I check in every week or so? I really want to be with her. She said yes to go see a band that we both like this fall, so I know I might be waiting about 6 months, but I don’t want the regret of letting her slip through my fingers. It feels natural to be around her and it’s clear in person that she likes me. She’s just very hard to get.

14. She re-engaged after breaking things off a couple years ago after a handful of dates. Neither of us felt a super strong romantic spark. I no longer believe in sparks.

    This time around we both felt we were super compatible and were excited to try again. Two months in and she says she has started to feel the same way as last time and we should just be friends. I’ve started developing feelings, or am at least very invested in seeing where things can go.

    Also says she is very conflicted. Sex is great. Her best friend urged her to give it some more time. We have regrettably not communicated very well about where things are.

    She seemed very into it a week ago, then started pulling back after a week of spending maybe too much time together.

    Do I let it go or try to convince her to give it more time and maybe slow things down a bit?

15. How much do you think about potential future issues before a first date?

    I have a date Friday I’m reasonably excited about. Based on what I know about her thus far we seem relatively compatible. One thing I can see becoming a problem if we do start dating though is the fact that I live in the suburbs and she lives in the city around 30 minutes away but she doesn’t own a car and bikes everywhere.

    I’m not someone really capable of causal dating and think very much about practicalities.